Search Results for "avoid"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #insults, #office, #office workers, #people, #sarcasm, #introvert, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Sometimes it seems as if you don't like me. Dilbert: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just an introvert. Being around people drains my energy. I only avoid you because spending five minutes with you feels like being buried alive. With fleas instead of dirt. Tina: So...it isn't personal? Dilbert: I need a nap.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Two People Named Tina

Thank you for voting.
Two People Named Tina  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #name, #insult, #name-calling

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #aspirations, #relationships, #betterment, #warren buffett

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Warren Buffett says you should spent time with people who are better than you. Alice: Why would people who are better than me be dumb enough to spend time with me? Asok: Well... I assume you have to find people who are better than you, but not smart enough to avoid you. Because, obviously, you'd be bringing down the average of anyone who was better than you. Which reminds me, I need to cut this meeting short to keep my average up. Dilbert: Maybe we can continue the meeting without him. Alice: That would only be good for you. I need to find better people. Dilbert: The meeting went downhill from there. Dogbert: Can you wrap this up? You're bringing down my average.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

Optimal Meeting Density

Thank you for voting.
Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Culture As An Asset

Thank you for voting.
Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Avoid Offending Sensitive Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Avoid Offending Sensitive Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #politeness, #etiquette, #communication, #sensitive, #feelings, #offense, #political correctness, #politically correct

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Avoid offending sensitive idiots whenever possible. Man: I'm a sensitive idiot and I find that offensive. Dogbert: It's okay in your case because you had it coming. Man: Good point. Carry on.