all parties wearing face masks.
boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them.
dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that.
boss: people will believe anything.
dilbert: not anything.
boss: yes, anything.
dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are.
office worker: how many does he eat per day?
dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Carol: How's it working out with the Elbonian baby you adopted?
Wally: Great! Now I have lots of excuses for missing work, and I still look like a saint.
Carol: What kind of daycare are you using?
Wally: I just sprinkle cheerios on the floor and lock the door.
dilbert: I have been cleared of all allegations against me, but where do i go to get my reputation back?
dogbert: i recommend running into a burning building to save a baby.
dilbert: what if no buildings are on fire?
dogbert: have you heard of matches?
Wally: We should have a private lactation room like other companies. Alice: Yes, we should. Boss: No one in my group is nursing a baby. Wally: What about visitors? Alice: Right. Wally: Thanks for helping me get my man cave at the office. Alice: What?
Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?
Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!
Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.
JOB INTERVIEW
Boss: So... what do you like to do in your spare time? Interviewee: Um... I visit orphanages and give back rubs to babies.
Boss: Maybe you should have practiced for that question.
Interviewee: And I bike there because I'm so green.
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Boss: The company is considering moving from cubicles to an open workspace environment. Dilbert: Great idea. Can we add some crying babies and the sound of water dripping? Boss: You're being stupid. Dilbert: Maybe I'll be smarter when I have more distractions.
