Bear Attacked Comic Strips
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CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?
Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!
Boss: Studies say your happiness depends on how well your life compares to others. So instead of giving you a raise, I'm going to show you pictures of people who were attacked by bears. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: Dang you to heck, this is working!
Man says, "Your order will only cost about $20,000." Dilbert says, "No it won't." Dilbert says, "We both know you're intentionally underestimating the true cost to get the sale, you lying sack of spit." Man says, "You're not supposed to say that out loud." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I imagine a bear attacking you?"
Catbert says, "I will use role play to evaluate your management potential. Catbert says, "Imagine you are a turtle and you are being attacked by a hawk." Catbert says, "That's better than I expected." A man says, "Thanks."
The Boss: "His name is Kudos, the bear-er of good morale!" "Kudos" "He's our new mascot. He'll attend all of our meetings until morale improves." "Today is Asok's turn in the suit."
Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dogbert says, "I plan to sell an anti-itch lotion that's really just honey." Dogbert continues, "I'll put a disclaimer on the bottle that says, 'Might cause itching.'" Dogbert continues, "And then I'll sell my customer list to bears." Dilbert responds, "That's not nice."
Dilbert is still in a barrel. The Boss says to him, "I'm sending you to Elbonia for a meeting, but we're on a tight budget." The Boss, also in a barrel, continues, "So there will be no limo service to the airport. Go there in the cheapest way possible." A bear rolls Dilbert in his barrel down the highway. The bear says, "And then I started Brownie's Barrel Service." Dilbert thinks, "He's a talker."