Being Ceo Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Being Ceo

View 1 - 10 results for being ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Being Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

Thank you for voting.
Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.

Toxic Employee Was Right

Thank you for voting.
Toxic Employee Was Right - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees, #fire, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: does anyone have any suggestions for improving our company culture? dilbert: for starters, you could fire the toxic employee you hired for no good reason. boss whispers to toxic employee: you were right about dilbert being a hater. toxic employee: you should hear what he says about you.

Consultant Gets No Help

Thank you for voting.
Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Homeless Employees

Thank you for voting.
Homeless Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #concern, #cost, #employees, #homeless persons, #office workers, #pretend

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.

Finding A Scapegoat

Thank you for voting.
Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #project, #ceo, #scapegaot, #climate change

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Leaders Have Differen Memories

Thank you for voting.
Leaders Have Differen Memories - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #stupid, #leadership

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: we had a leadership meeting to decide how to move forward. the boss: but all the leaders left the meeting with wildly different ideas about what we agreed on. carol: how do you leaders plan to solve that? the boss: phase one involves accusing each other of being stupid.

Why Not A Center Of Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Why Not A Center Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: maybe we should creat a "center of excellence." the boss: what exactly does that mean? ceo: i think it means whatever we want it to mean. the boss: then what good is it? ceo: let's not get lost in the weeds.

Drooling Incompetents

Thank you for voting.
Drooling Incompetents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #competent, #incompetent

View Transcript

Transcript

wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.

Prove A Negative

Thank you for voting.
Prove A Negative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #accusations, #negative

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo to dilbert: is this everything i need to know? dilbert: yes. ceo: how can you be sure there isn't something out there we don't know about? dlbert: are you asking me to prove a negative? ceo: it's more of an accusation than a question.

Bad Denials

Thank you for voting.
Bad Denials - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.