Better Companies Comic Strips
547 Results for Better Companies
View 1 - 10 results for better companies comic strips. Discover the best "Better Companies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 18, 2019's comic on:
dilbert: would you please stop humming? it's making me crazy. Tina: i can't focus unless i hum. dilbert: but i can't focus when you do hum. i'm going to talk to your boss. tina: i'm going to talk to your boss! hum, hum, hum. dilbert: gaaa!!! i can't work when she hums. tina: humming helps me work better. boss: i rule in favor of the hummer and i sentence dilbert to take sensitivity training class to be less of a jerk. dilbert: i hate you. tina: hum, hum, hum.
Share August 17, 2019's comic on:
Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?
Share August 10, 2019's comic on:
Asok: Thanks to my raise, I can afford to move out of my home in the men's restroom stall and into a pod. Dilbert: A pod? Asok: A pod! Dilbert: Is it better than the stall? Asok: It's smaller, but better appointed.
Share August 05, 2019's comic on:
Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work. Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible. Wally: And brilliant. Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.
Share July 03, 2019's comic on:
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: we opened our first "center of excellence" today. the boss: at the risk of sounding too optimistic, we should be brimming with excellence by nightfall. dilbert: how will we know if is working? the boss: it's better if we don't try too hard to measure it.
Share June 16, 2019's comic on:
purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.
Share June 13, 2019's comic on:
the boss to dilbert: if your idea is so good, why aren't other companies doing it? dilbert: because they are in completely different businesses with completely different variables and they don't have a genius like me working for them. the boss: what happens if we try your idea but we do it wrong? dilbert: that's called "business as usual."
Share June 01, 2019's comic on:
the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.
Share May 10, 2019's comic on:
ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.
Share April 29, 2019's comic on:
dogbert: i decided to start my own podcast. dogbert: i'm crafting my content to appeal to dumb people because that's the biggest market. dilbert: how will that make the world a better place? dogbert: based on your question, you'd enjoy my podcast.