Black Mailing Themselves Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

81 Results for Black Mailing Themselves

View 1 - 10 results for black mailing themselves comic strips. Discover the best "Black Mailing Themselves" comics from Dilbert.com.

Trick Question

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trick Question  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #interview, #question, #trick, #blm, #black lives matter, #dismissed, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: we added the following trick question to our interview process... do black lives matter? interviewee: yes, of course. catbert: say more about that. interviewee: i think all... catbert yelling and pointing: dismissed!

Factories No Buyers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Factories No Buyers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #sarcasm, #customers, #poison

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apple, #criticism, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #steve jobs, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?

Winning Design Awards

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning Design Awards - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #fragile, #cell phone, #crack, #screen, #evil, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: 100 percent of our smartphone buyers dropped and broke their phones within one minute of unboxing them. Despite our slippery materials and brittle design, customers blamed themselves. And we won seven prestigious design awards. CEO: Yes!

Weak Sales Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Wally And The Lactation Room

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally And The Lactation Room - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #man cave, #coffee, #trick, #lactation room

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Someone turned our lactation room into a personal man cave. Wally: That guy sounds awesome. Boss: The janitor found a recliner, a tv,and a coffee maker in there. So I asked myself who would put a coffee maker in a lactation room. Wally: I drink mine black.

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #assistance, #sayings, #adage, #divine intervention, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Can you get me that data by Friday? Wally: They say "God helps those who help themselves." Man: So... you won't help? Wally: I'm waiting for you to go first. Man: And then you'll help? Wally: No, the order is you, then God, then me.

Boss Gets A Nickname

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Gets A Nickname - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scientist, #nickname, #obliviousness, #stephen hawking, #black holes, #space, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Our new nickname for you is based on the work of Stephen Hawking. Hawking is one of the greatest scientific minds of our time. Boss: I like it! Dilbert: I need him to make a decision today. Carol: Toss it in the black hole.

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.