Business Spin Offs Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for business spin offs comic strips. Discover the best "Business Spin Offs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Monkey Business

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New Loyal Customers

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New Loyal Customers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #ceo, #woke, #advertising, #dollars, #loss, #quarter, #offend, #straight face, #botox, #annoying

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ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?

I'm Not A Racist

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I'm Not A Racist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #racism, #racist, #woke, #demands, #sacrifice, #spare, #proof

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dilbert: there's a mob of woke people surrounding our building. they demand a human sacrifice. boss: fetch the spare racist i hired for that purpose. male co-worker hanging from a rod outside top level of office tower: i'm not a racist! really i'm not! voice from inside the building: he can't prove that!

Racist Scapegoat

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Racist Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business meeting, #hire, #racist, #racism, #woke gang, #human, #sacrifice, #attack, #scapegoat, #bloodlust

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boss: i hired a racist in case the woke gangs attack us and we need a human sacrifice. coworker: what? boss: when the wokies come for us, we'll throw this guy under the bus to satisfy their bloodlust. coworker yelling: i'm not a racist! boss: they won't know that.

Tina Misremembers

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Tina Misremembers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #cancel, #communication, #remember, #text, #message, #confirm, #trigger, #cognitive dissonance, #absurd, #frogs, #hooves, #wrong, #liar

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Tina: why didn't you tell me you canceled the meeting?!! dilbert: i did. Tina: you absolutely did not. i would certainly remember if you did. dilbert: here are the text messages when i told you i canceled the meeting and you conformed. Alice in a daze. Dilbert: uh-oh. i seemed to have triggered cognitive dissonance. whatever you say next is likely to be an absurdity that allows you to be right when you are wrong. Tina: i told you frogs don't have hooves, but you insisted they did! admit you were wrong! i win you liar! dilbert thinking: this show never gets old.

New Software

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New Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #approval, #software, #necessary, #purchase order, #questions, #blockchain, #stop

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dilbert: i'd like approval to buy some software, and there is no hope you would understand why it is necessary. so just sign off on the purchase and don't ask any questions. boss: is it blockchain? dilbert: just stop.

Casual Day For Remote Workers

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Casual Day For Remote Workers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #announcement, #casual day, #remote workers, #dress, #roadkill, #morale, #coffee, #laptop, #video conference

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boss talking toward laptop: tomorrow is casual day for remote workers. most of you already dress like roadkill, but see if you can take it down another level. voice from laptop: why are you doing this to us? boss: i hear it builds morale.

Redesign Power Button

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Redesign Power Button - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineering, #experience, #managers & supervisors, #mocking, #power button, #redesign, #sarcasm, #team

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boss: can you redesign it so the power button is on the bottom? engineer: absolutely. our professional design team loves it when inexperienced people make suggestions. boss: i can't tell if you're mocking me. engineer: no, you can't.

Video Lunch Meeting Rules

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Video Lunch Meeting Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #zoom lunch meeting, #zoom, #lunch, #beaver, #dam, #bubblewrap, #ugly, #eater, #video, #off, #on, #sarcasm, #microphone

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alice: welcome to our first zoom lunch meeting. if you chew louder than a beaver making a dam out of bubble wrap, please turn off your microphone. and if you are an ugly eater... voice from laptop: we get it. turn the video off.

Disagreement Sides

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Disagreement Sides - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #disagreement, #Opinion, #facts, #agreement, #sides

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tina: i'm having a disagreement with alice, and i want you to side with me. dilbert: how about i make up my own mind based on the facts? tina: that's not going to work for me.