eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling.
dilbert: that's called an office.
eco: nothing pleases you common folk.
Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder?
Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder.
Boss: I do.
Ten minutes earlier.
Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.
CEO: Alice, the best way to break the glass ceiling is to do more networking with male co-workers. Alice: Can we talk about this over lunch? CEO: Wow. You are so into me.
Company Lawyer Lawyer says, "We should consider doing a recall on our product." Lawyer says, "When it warms up, it explodes and hurls poisonous spines in every direction." The Boss says, "Where's the director of quality assurance?" Lawyer says, "Pinned to the test lab ceiling."
Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "I have completed all of my menial assignments." Overqualified temp says, "Do you have any more trivial tasks to crush my sense of self-worth?" The boss says, "I've always wondered how many ceiling tiles are in the men's restroom." Overqualified temp thinks, "Die! Die! Die!"
Wally: They found asbestos in our ceiling. We're all in danger.
Asok: "I must use my telekinesis to remove the asbestos." "GAAA!" The threat has been neutralized. You must never ask me how it was done."
Wally: I'm not even curious."
The Boss: The employees are getting all whiney about the asbestos in the ceiling." "I told them it wasn't dangerous, but apparently I'm not credible in this HazMat suit." "I don't think it's fair that they judge me by my clothes."
The Boss: The facilities people tell me there's asbestos in the ceiling. They say you don't need to worry about it unless it gets disturbed. They plan to disturb it today.
"If you hire me, I will use my enormous brain to develop world-changing products."
"I require no pay and no cubicle. I will eat used paper, and cling to the ceiling."
The Boss: "In my defense, he interviews very well."
"Zzzz."
Tina: "I just saw a list of everyone's salary."
"I thought the glass ceiling was holding me down, but you have the highest pay here."
"There's no one left to blame for my low pay except... Ooh, wait... How about illegal aliens?"
