dilbert in front of laptop: your skin looks so perfect...are you using a digital filter of some sort?
voice from laptop: no, this is the real me.
frame changes to panda in pink dress in front of laptop.
dilbert's voice from laptop: and what about the panda ears and snout?
panda thinking: awkward
dilbert: i'm working two jobs since ted quit. maybe you could fire a replacement for ted.
boss: that won't work because you're too busy to train a new person.
panel changes building.
voice from building: stop making that death stare and get back to your two jobs.
boss: ask ted to show you how to do his job functions before he leaves for his new job.
panel changes to office building.
dilbert: what if he isn't helpful?
boss: then i'll fire you for failing.
panel changes back in office:
dilbert: do you see any problem with the approach?
boss: no. it's worked for years.
tina: you never admit you're wrong.
dilbert: give me one example of that.
tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds.
panel changes to office building.
tina: to this day, you have not admitted you were wrong.
dilbert: um...
boss: if there anything i can do to make my slide deck more persuasive?
wally: you need to make an emotional connection with your audience. start with a tragic personal story that makes everyone sad and droopy. then talk about your various medical problems, and don't spare the details. then complain about your wife because most people hate their spouses too, so they can relate. and don't spare the self-deprecating humor because everyone can relate to knowing you are a loser.
boss: wow. thank you for that advice. i'll make those changes.
dilbert: how much do you hate him?
wally: it's more about my entertainment.
co-worker: i edited your incredibly complex document and sent it to you by email.
dilbert: i don't see your high-lighted changes.
co-worker: i forgot to turn on the edit tracker.
dilbert: i'm going to accidentally delete your email.
co-worker: that's probably how i'd play it too.
carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19.
dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract.
carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive?
dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day.
carol: you must like her eyes.
dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.
dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich.
dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong.
dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.
Purchasing Manager
Bob: you need there vendor quotes, or i can't approve it.
dilbert: there are only two vendors in that market.
bob: come back when something changes.
