Chat Area Comic Strips
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43 Results for Chat Area
View 1 - 10 results for chat area comic strips. Discover the best "Chat Area" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 13,
2021
Non Disclosure Denied
Tags #business, #sales, #sales personnel, #nondisclosure agreement, #product, #new, #waste, #refusal, #sign, #company, #vendor, #lawyer, #idiot
Transcript
salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.
Wednesday January 27,
2021
Doing Nothing Is A Decision
Tags #business, #harsh, #hate, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #progress, #projects, #sarcasm, #technology
Transcript
boss with laptop and on video chat: wally, it seems that once again you have made no progress on any of your projects. wally: it looks that way from the outside but what you have to understand is that not doing something is also a decision. boss: i literally hate talking to you. wally: harsh.
Monday May 18,
2020
Makeup Under Mask
Tags #makeup, #masks, #offended, #office workers, #pandemic, #human resources
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you wear makeup under the mask where no one can see it? Or do you leave your snout area all pale and pimply? Tina: Stop imagining me unmasked. Dilbert: I'll report myself to human resources.
Thursday April 30,
2020
Ceo Has Pandemic Plan
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #stock market, #money, #rich, #lost, #pandemic, #health, #underpay, #stategy
Transcript
ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.
Wednesday February 19,
2020
Alice And Blockchain
Tags #business, #technology, #project, #learn, #skills
Transcript
alice: i'd like to help on the blockchain project to build my skills in that area. boss: i don't like it when people learn new things. alice: i don't know what to say to that. boss: oh, good. it worked.
Sunday August 19,
2018
Tags #alice, #Dilbert, #Wally, #chatbot, #plumbing supply, #website, #sister
Transcript
Wally: I fell in love with a chatbot. We met on a plumbing supply website. I started innocently. I had a few questions about faucets. Next thing I knew, she was getting flirty. Now we chat for hours every night. Alice: That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard you creepy loser. Dilbert: Does your chatbot have a sister?
Wednesday March 21,
2018
Hot And Cold In The Office
Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold
Transcript
Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.
Friday February 02,
2018
Ted Dies By Software
Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #bug, #program, #programming, #morals, #ethics
Transcript
Wally: Our self-driving car went off a cliff with Ted in it. Did you tweak the software to make that happen? Dilbert; No, that was a bug. Wally: Was it a known bug? Dilbert: Now we're getting into a gray area.
Wednesday March 29,
2017
Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise
Tags #laziness, #genius, #work ethic, #efficiency
Transcript
Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.
Friday February 26,
2016
Asok Asks For His Job Back
Tags #driver, #money, #taxi, #ride share, #rideshare, #disillusionment
Transcript
Asok: I'm here to beg for my job back. Driving for Uber was less glamorous than I'd hoped. My mental health and my bladder have been stretched to their limits. Boss: Maybe we could discuss this over a tiled floor area.