Common Goal Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

153 Results for Common Goal

View 1 - 10 results for common goal comic strips. Discover the best "Common Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #sarcasm, #suspicion, #virus, #pandemic, #hoax

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The coronavirus is a hoax. It is no more dangerous than a common cold. Dilbert: It's almost as if you are inviting the universe to smite you. CEO: Don't jinx me! Dilbert: It's far too late.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Dilbert Did Not Say That

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Did Not Say That  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #boss, #prototype, #authority, #idiot, #liar, #innocent, #guilty

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: why did you tell our pointy-haired boss we need to do more testing on the prototype? dilbert: i didn't do anything of the sort. co-worker: carl says you did. dilbert: who is a better authority on what i said - a guy who wasn't in the room or me? co-worker: good question. on one hand, carl is an idiot and a known liar. on the other hand, it is common for guilty people to say they are innocent. dilbert: what do innocent people say when you accuse them of stuff? co-worker: who knows? just do't do it again. dilbert under distress: i didn't do it once!!!

Ceo In Cubicle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo In Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #private, #office, #cubicle, #common, #work, #employees

View Transcript

Transcript

eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.

Common Sense

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Common Sense  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #common sense, #request, #specifications, #assumption, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: this isn't what i wanted. dilbert: it is, unless you gave me the wrong specs. boss: i assume you would use your common sense to know what i wanted. dilbert: did you common sense help you make that assumption?

Dogbert's Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #user, #manual, #common sense

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert's tech support dogbert: yes, we know the user manual refers to the wrong product. just use your common sense to figure out what the manual should have said. voice from phone: i tried the, but it didn't work. dogbert: i can't fix your common sense!

What Winning Feels Like

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
What Winning Feels Like - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #regression, #analysis, #failure, #business, #common

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i did a regression analysis to find out which variables are common to all of our failures. wally: it's me isn't it? dilbert pointing to boss: no, it's him. wally: is this what winning feels like?

Manufacturing In Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manufacturing In Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #out source, #elbonia, #money, #government, #reputation

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money. dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation? boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds. dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world. boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?

New Tv Ad

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Tv Ad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #business ethics, #marketing, #men and women, #office workers, #relations between the sexes, #accuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ben, from marketing, is here to give us a preview of our new tv ad. Ben: The opening scene shows a bunch of men who are weak and stupid, failing to solve a common problem. Then a confident and strong woman enters and solves the problem with ease. Dilbert: Isn't that incredibly sexist? Ben: No, because only the men are weak and stupid. Dilbert: And that's not sexist? Ben: Why are you being so weak and stupid? You sound like a bigot. Dilbert: I'll be quiet now. Wally: As quickly as it began, the rebellion was quashed.

Thankless Tasks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thankless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: My career goal is to have a job with greater recognition, autonomy, and a sense of purpose. Boss: We'll miss you. Man: I was hoping to get that stuff here. Boss: We're more about thankless tasks.