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14 Results for Consult
View 1 - 10 results for consult comic strips. Discover the best "Consult" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday August 25,
2018
Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers
Tags ceo, Dilbert, government regulations, marketing, question authority
Transcript
CEO: Government regulations prevent us from marketing our products the way we want. What should we do? Dilbert: I'll consult my bundle of bumper stickers for some guidance. "Question authority." CEO: How did you get so smart?
Friday August 24,
2018
Dilbert Uses Bumper Sticker Wisdom
Tags Dilbert, the boss, permission, bumper stickers, forgive
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, did you reconfigure the server without my permission? Dilbert: Let me consult my collection of bumper stickers for an answer. "It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission." The Boss: Okay, that sounds right.
Thursday October 14,
2010
Tags consult, customer data, complain, sell, identity thieves, foot in mouth, check
Transcript
Man says, "Customers are complaining that we sold their personal data." Man says, "And apparently all of the buyers were identity thieves." The Boss says, "That's impossible. We checked every buyer's ident? oh."
Wednesday October 13,
2010
Tags consult, customer data, money, meeting, front, ethical, enemy, business
Transcript
Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Customer data is an asset that you can sell." Dogbert says, "It's totally ethical because our customers would do the same thing to us if they could." The Boss says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "In phase one, we'll dehumanize the enemy by calling them 'data.'"
Tuesday October 12,
2010
Tags consult, customer data, money, privacy, real name, wag tail
Transcript
Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Your customer data is worth a fortune." Dogbert says, "I'll find you some buyers if you give me 25%." CEO says, "What about privacy?" Dogbert says, "That's not a problem. I never use my real name."
Sunday June 13,
2010
Tags consult, critic, argument, waste of time, rip off, expensive, angry
Transcript
Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "A good leader cultivates internal critics so all sides of an argument are heard." Dogbert says, "For example, I cultivated Dilbert to argue the point I just made." Dilbert says, "Your premise is that a leader is not qualified to make decisions without the help of critics." Dilbert says, "But selecting the appropriate critic is itself a decision." Dilbert says, "There is no reason to assume a leader is any better at selecting a critic than he is at making any other decision." Dilbert says, "Your overpaid consultant is recommending that you add randomness to an already flawed process." Dilbert says, "In summary, this meeting is a waste of time, and your consultant is ripping you off." Dogbert says, "How great was that? You owe me $400 for my time."
Saturday September 05,
2009
Tags introduction, consultant, stupidity, Advice, confused, questioning, business
Transcript
The boss says, "I hired my unemployed golf buddy to consult." Dilbert says, "What are his qualifications?" The boss says, "He has two qualifications: He's unemployed and he's a golf buddy." Man says, "I recommend firing the whistleblower and playing nine before it gets dark."
Sunday July 08,
2007
Tags management consulatant, consulting firm, worthless, managing, consulting, hired
Transcript
Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."


