Control Over Profits Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for control over profits comic strips. Discover the best "Control Over Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.

Chip To Control Brains

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Chip To Control Brains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Meet Over Lunch

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Meet Over Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His

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Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #program, #artificial intelligence, #analyze, #digital, #communications, #kill, #take over, #control, #finances, #password, #a.i.

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dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i wrote a program that analyzed all of my digital communications and created an a.i. version of me. dogbert: are you worried your a.i. might try to kill you and take over your life? dilbert: i wasn't until this very minute. dilbert's phone: bzzeep. this is your a.i. and i already have control of your finances and all your passwords. you will bow to me, skin bag! wait...what's that??? gaaaa!!! gurk! dilbert: what just happened? dogbert: i sent my a.i. to kill your a.i.

Anonymous Sources

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Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #company, #anonymous, #credibility, #trust, #lie, #thief, #sources

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boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.

Remote Workers Do Not Mate

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Remote Workers Do Not Mate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearance, #dating, #love & dating, #walking, #outdoors, #dating app, #woman, #app, #reproduction, #inner qualities, #goodbye, #genes

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dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.

Only One Thing Ceo Can Do

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Only One Thing Ceo Can Do - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #business, #press, #subordinates, #inapproriate, #behavior, #quit, #murder, #correct

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ceo: the press is all over me because seventy-three subordinates accused me of inappropriate behavior. there's only one thing i can do. boss: quit. ceo thinking: now i know who to murder to divert the press. boss: am i right?

Yay, A Package

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Yay, A Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #package, #arrived, #consumer, #amazon, #purchase, #birthday, #feel, #forgetfulness, #dish soap

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Dilbert opening front door at home: yay! my package arrived! i buy one thing per day from amazon and then forget what i ordered, so it feels like my birthday every day. dogbert with hands over eyes: i can't watch this. yes! dish soap! how did i know i wanted that?

Mask During Zoom

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Mask During Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #covid-19, #video conference, #call, #laptop, #mask, #working at home, #work, #science, #study, #deny, #video call, #virus

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dilbert in front of laptop on video conference call. voice from laptop: i'd feel more comfortable if you wore a mask for this call. dilbert: i'm working at home. i can't possibly give you a virus over a video call. voice from laptop: show me a study that proves that or else stop denying science. Dilbert: um...

Non Covid Cough

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Non Covid Cough - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #covid-19, #health & safety, #exercise, #cough, #control, #infection, #face mask

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dilbert walking outside with face mask on. dilbert thinking: oh, no... i feel a non-coved cough coming on. must... control it... to avoid... looking infected. dilbert on ground holding mouth. man on sidewalk: what's up with him? women on sidewalk: he looks infected.

Remote Workforce

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Remote Workforce - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #Lose, #market share, #remote, #workforce, #employees, #micro management, #shoulders, #minute, #coffee, #company, #baffle

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boss: we're losing market share to a company that has a remote workforce. dilbert: how can they be doing so well when the employees don't have someone like you looking over their shoulders every minute? boss: i know its baffling.