Created Cold Fusion Comic Strips
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138 Results for Created Cold Fusion
View 1 - 10 results for created cold fusion comic strips. Discover the best "Created Cold Fusion" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 27,
2020
Credit Goes To Boss
Tags #anger, #business, #culture, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #ownership, #report, #technology
Transcript
boss: i realize this report has dilbert's name on it, but the credit goes to me. because i ordered him to do it. dilbert: actually, i came up with the idea and wrote it on my own time. boss: well, i created the culture that made it all possible. dilbert yelling: i did the work!!!
Monday May 25,
2020
Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax
Sunday February 16,
2020
Finding Qualified Engineers
Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant
Transcript
interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.
Tuesday December 31,
2019
Can You Explain
Tags #technology, #product, #experience, #content, #salesman
Transcript
dilbert: can you explain what your product does? salesman: our product was created by an experienced team of technologists to address the way content is surfaced. dilbert: next time just say, "no."
Sunday December 22,
2019
Wally Uses Deep Fake
Tags #video, #conference, #call, #technology, #elbonian, #affordable
Transcript
dilbert: i liked what you said on the video conference call yesterday. i've never seen you so engaged and helpful. wally: that wasn't me. that was "deep fake wally." i created him to do all of my video calls. and i hired an elbonian to do all my coding jobs for a very affordable price. wally: these days. i only come to the office for the free coffee. dilbert: and the camaraderie? wally: sure.
Saturday October 05,
2019
Comic Like Dilbert
Tags #Entertainment, #Comic, #simulation, #life, #superior, #being
Transcript
dilbert: i'm freaking out because i just learned there's a comic strip called "dilbert" that is exactly like my life. and look - this is exactly what i did today. it's as if i'm a simulation created by a superior being. dogbert: uh-oh, he's on-to me.
Sunday August 11,
2019
New Cubicles
Transcript
boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.
Sunday March 17,
2019
Tags #failure, #inventions, #office workers, #power, #science, #success
Transcript
Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years. Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be. Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it? Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far. Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response. Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment. Dilbert: And there it is.
Sunday March 03,
2019
Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.
Saturday January 12,
2019
Ai Too Stupid To Be Dangerous
Tags #intelligence, #inventions, #robot, #technology, #Lottery, #humans, #smart
Transcript
Wally: Are you worried that the A.I. you created will take over the world? Dilbert: No, I modeled it after human intelligence so it won't be smart enough. Robot: Buwhahahahaha! I will buy lottery tickets and use my winnings to take over the world! Asok: Good luck.