Crime Comic Strips
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76 Results for Crime
View 1 - 10 results for crime comic strips. Discover the best "Crime" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 07,
2021
Personal Growth
Tags pandemic, positive, personal growth, lockdown, afraid, fear, prison, life of crime, attraction, empathy, people, screen faces
Transcript
dilbert: one positive thing about the pandemic is all the personal growth i had during the lockdown. for example, i'm no longer afraid of going to prison, so... a life of crime is more attractive than ever. dogbert: did you lose your empathy for other people? dilbert: you mean the screen faces?
Monday March 29,
2021
Ceo Is Accused
Tags business, complaint, managers & supervisors, subordinate, accuse, inappropriate, crime, hug, defense, legal
Transcript
catbert: seventy-three subordinates are accusing you of inappropriate behavior. ceo: i don't see what's so "inappropriate" about threatening to ruin a subordinate's career unless i get a hug. catbert: you know that's a crime, right? ceo: maybe i shouldn't handle my own defense.
Thursday December 31,
2020
Dogbert The Auditor
Tags business, business ethics, consultant, company, fee, fraud, crime, report, question
Transcript
dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.
Sunday February 09,
2020
Making World Better Place
Tags managers & supervisors, business, money, meeting, employees, taxes, cancer, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!
Monday June 11,
2018
Wally Teaches Success
Monday March 19,
2018
Porch Thief Is Neutralized
Tags violence, retaliation, delivery, package, stealing, theft, ring, technology
Transcript
Alice: Uh-oh. My home security system is showing a thief stealing a package from my front door. Activating particle beam defense. The threat has been neutralized. Dilbert: When you say "neutralized," does that mean... Alice: Activating crime scene cleanup drone.
Sunday March 11,
2018
Tags interview, hiring, honesty, immoral, ulterior motives
Transcript
Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.
Thursday June 22,
2017
Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding
Tags crime, attorney, lawyer, collusion, donald trump, russia, legal
Transcript
Dogbert: I've investigated Dilbert's email and phone records and I can say with confidence he did not collude with Elbonia. But there are many, many other crimes he might have committed, and you should pay me to investigate them. Dilbert: That wasn't helpful. Dogbert: Stop making it all about you.
Friday February 24,
2017
Taking Pride In Work
Tags motivation, pep talk, logic, pride, suffering, work ethic
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I"m starting to think you don't take pride in your work. Wally: That would be like taking pride in being the victim of a crime. Catbert: How'd the pep talk go? Boss: He made some good points.
Monday October 10,
2016
Gawful Media Company
Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, morals, executives, decision, information
Transcript
CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

