Crs Database Comic Strips

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44 Results for Crs Database

View 1 - 10 results for crs database comic strips. Discover the best "Crs Database" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wrong Database

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Elbonian Hackers Attack

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Elbonian Hackers Attack  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm

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dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.

Deleting Before Audit

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Deleting Before Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, auditor, suspect, delete, database, believe, incriminating, hide

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internal auditor: i find it hard to believe you "accidentally" deleted a database just as i arrived. it makes me suspect you tried to hide something incriminating. boss: sounds like reasonable doubt to me.

Slippery Slope

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Slippery Slope - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, slippery, slope, approval, database, cosmetic, surgery, insult

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dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body

No Raise For Dilbert

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No Raise For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, work, salary

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Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?

Blockchain Versus Databases

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Blockchain Versus Databases  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, office workers, questions

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Dilbert: And we can put the customer data on the blockchain. Alice: Why not use an immutable database instead? Dilbert: Which way should we go? Boss: Are either of them my favorite color?

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, work ethic, project, unstable applcation, data model, overly complex relational databse, lazy, business

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Boss: What's taking you so long on the project? Dilbert: The application is unstable because the data model is driven by an overly complex relational database and there was no integration testing. Boss: Does any of that mean the same thing as "lazy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags civil liberties, law enforcement officers, surveillance, stole sensitive info, spy software, stealing back

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NSA Agent: You hacked into a government database and stole sensitive information. Dilbert: Technically, it was my company's information that your spy software stole first. I was just stealing it back. So we're good here, right? NSA Agent: Yeah, that's how it works.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags civil liberties, surveillance, lost data, company data, backups, governments secret database, recors, working fine

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Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.