Dead End Comic Strips
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381 Results for Dead End
View 1 - 10 results for dead end comic strips. Discover the best "Dead End" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 25,
2021
Customers Are Dead People
Wednesday November 04,
2020
Wally Hates His App
Tags #business, #technology, #application, #stop, #fix, #hate, #developers, #need, #problem solving
Transcript
wally speaking in meeting: i spent all week trying to sign into an app that stopped working for some reason. boss: but you got it to work in the end? wally: no, all i did was learn to hate the developers. boss: how do you plan to solve that? wally drinking coffee: i don't need to. it isn't an app i need.
Saturday August 08,
2020
Any Questions
Tags #business, #company, #conclusion, #end, #face masks, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #question, #vision
Transcript
boss: okay, that's all for today unless anyone has a question. alice, boss & dilbert thinking: please let it end. please let it end. please let it end. co-worker: what's the company vision? unison: GAAA!!!
Saturday June 13,
2020
Emergency Project
Tags #boring, #boss, #emergency, #excuses, #office workers, #technology, #work
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.
Friday May 29,
2020
Ceo Does Math
Tags #death & dying, #diseases, #earth, #humans, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus
Transcript
CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.
Monday May 11,
2020
Point At End Of Slide Deck
Tags #business, #coronavirus, #slide, #deck, #Opinion, #point, #sarcasm, #face mask
Transcript
co-worker in face mask: what do you think of my slide deck? dilbert in face mask: i reviewed all 26 of your slides, and i can't figure out what your point is. co-worker: i could put the point on slide 27. dilbert: or just give up.
Sunday May 10,
2020
Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support
Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius
Transcript
boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!
Wednesday April 22,
2020
Stress Can Kill You
Tags #business, #coronavirus, #cortisol, #dead man walking, #depress, #fear, #immune, #increase, #scared, #social distancing, #system, #virus, #health
Transcript
dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!
Friday March 06,
2020
Judging By Looks
Tags #business, #interview, #manager, #judge, #offensive, #social media, #nonesense
Transcript
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
Tuesday February 18,
2020
Wally Not Working
Tags #business, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology, #work ethic, #micro-managing
Transcript
boss: you don't seem to be working. wally: i don't want to start something new because it's almost the end of my work day. boss: it's ten o'clock in the morning. wally: and here comes the micro-managing.