Dead Horse Comic Strips

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198 Results for Dead Horse

View 1 - 10 results for dead horse comic strips. Discover the best "Dead Horse" comics from Dilbert.com.

Layoff Package

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Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout

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dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #business ethics, #construction, #inventions, #nature, #technology, #trees

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Dilbert: I invented a cost-effective product to harvest CO2 from the air and turn it into construction material. Asok: So...you invented a tree? Dilbert: What? Asok: Trees take CO2 from the air and turn it into wood. Your invention will compete with plants and trees for necessary CO2. It seems you have doomed all life on Earth. Dilbert: Not if people act rationally and stop removing the CO2 when...wait... You're right. I doomed the planet. Boss: I'll be dead by then, so ship it.

Horse Blinders

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Horse Blinders - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #work

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Dilbert: I added horse blinders to my noise-cancellation headphones. You tried to ruin my productivity by moving to an open office plan, but I have thwarted your evil ambitions. Boss: Experts say the open plan is better for communication. Dilbert: Are you talking? I can't tell.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #line, #optimism, #idiocy, #cynicism, #realism, #will, #love, #dead, #working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.

Resending Email

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Resending Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #the boss, #project, #dead in the water, #requests, #budget

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The Boss: Wally, give me an update on your project. Wally: My project is dead in the water because every time I send you my budget request, you lose it and ask me to resend it. The Boss: I haven't seen any budget requests. Wally: I'll resend it.

Elbonian Sales Video Assignment

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Elbonian Sales Video Assignment  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #culture, #catch-22, #misunderstanding, #communication

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Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Dating A Skeleton

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Dating A Skeleton - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sex, #dating, #relationships, #questioning, #desperation

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.

Aggressive Littering

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Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

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Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.