Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!
Alice: The men never invite me to after-work activities. Catbert: We'll need to find out if the problem is sexism or your personality.Alice: I decided not to dig into it. Boss: I think you'll be happy with your decision.
The Boss says, "I need you to work on a highly confidential project." The Boss says, "When you're done, I want you to dig your own shallow grave and beat yourself to death with the shovel." Dilbert says, "Why does it feel as if my entire career has been preparation for this project?" The Boss says, "You're welcome."
Negotiations
Dilbert: so far we've agreed that my company will take all the expenses and legal liabilities.
Dilbert: your company will take all of the revenue, patents and public credit.
But where it says I"ll dig you a swimming pool with my bare hands I will not do that.
You win! You can use a spoon!
Dilbert: I call it the "Tunnel SHrk" It converts dirt and rock into energy and can dig forever.
So whatever you do, don't ignore what Im saying and push the red button.
The Boss: Button!
Now whats gotten into you?
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Ratbert, I need you to dig a huge rat hole, so companies can throw money in it." Ratbert dances and says, "Yes!!!" Dogbert says, "I might share some of the money with you." Ratbert says, "You had me at 'hole.'" Ratbert and Dogbert are outside. Ratbert is digging a huge hole and says, "When should I stop digging?" Dogbert replies, "When you smell feet."
The Boss tells Asok the Intern while examining some documents: "Wow! You've developed eight patentable ideas, Asok." The Boss continues: "We'll have to bury them or else it will look like we have too much free time." Digging in a field with a shovel, Asok the Intern says: "Then I said, 'Literally?' And then he said..."
The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss says, "We've studied the Japanese model and decided to copy their best practices." Dilbert says, "Long term investing?" The Boss holds up a microphone and yells, "Karaoke!" The Boss stands on the table and sings, "Shaft! Can you dig it?" Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "Thank God we don't have lifetime employment."
Bob the Dinosaur opens the closet door and says to Dawn, "I'll make a room for the baby by digging a cavern under Dilbert's closet." Dawn stands behind Bob holding an egg. Dawn asks, "Where will you put all the dirt?" Bob replies, "Obviously I'll have to dig a second hole to hold all the dirt."
