Diversifying Investments Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

14 Results for Diversifying Investments

View 1 - 10 results for diversifying investments comic strips. Discover the best "Diversifying Investments" comics from Dilbert.com.

Totally Painless Brain Removal

Thank you for voting.
Totally Painless Brain Removal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenic, #science, #lab, #pain, #experiment

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.

Cryogenic Investment Firm

Thank you for voting.
Cryogenic Investment Firm  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenic, #intelligence, #rich people

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Firm. Dogbert: We'll freeze your brain for 200 years and then transplant it into a 3-D printed body. By then, your investments will be worth a fortune. Man: Is there any risk to my brain? Dogbert: You'll have an IQ of 45, but that doesn't matter when you're rich.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

Thank you for voting.
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #tax incentives, #capital investments, #pursue opportunities, #over burdened staff, #divert resocurces, #top priorities

View Transcript

Transcript

Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2009's comic on:


Tags #walking, #complaining, #cruel, #mean, #mother, #son, #Family, #Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilmom Dilmom says, "How's work, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm doing the job of three people and my pay has been cut 20%" Dilbert says, "My investments are worthless and my odds of finding a suitable mate are nearing zero." Dilbert says, "My life has no meaning, no joy and no hope." Dilbert says, "Do you have any motherly advice?" Dilmom says, "Shake it off, you big wuss." Dilmom says, "And you can pass that wisdom to the grandchildren you won't be having." Dilbert says, "You're not good at this." Dilmom says, "Eat broccoli. Whatever."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #economy, #money, #investments, #topping, #comparing, #proud, #bragging

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Dilbert says, "Gaaa! My stocks are down 70%!" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "Today I discovered that my house is insulated with cheese." Dilbert says, "Gouda?" Topper says, "Grated."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #money, #happy, #bragging, #angry, #economy, #value

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "I live in a rented trailer, and all of my money is in my checking account." Carol says, "Your investments are worthless and your mortgage is underwater. My net worth is higher than yours now." Carol says, "I guess promiscuity and a G.E.D. was a pretty good strategy for me after all."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #computers, #internet, #investing, #screaming, #panic, #unemployed, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm not stressed about being out of work because I have my investments. Let's see how they?" GAAAA!!! Dogbert says, "Maybe some warlords are hiring."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2002's comic on:


Tags #broke, #bankrupt comapny, #401k worthless, #diversifying your investments, #37% retrurn, #burn in hell

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "I'm broke. The company declared bankruptcy and my 401k savings are worthless." Dogbert replies, "No, I've been impersonating you and diversifying your investments into tobacco, sweat shops, and diamond mines." Dilbert says, "Really?! How am I doing?" Dogbert responds, "It's mixed. You have a 37% return but your soul will burn for eternity."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #chapter 11, #profits are fake, #sold all stock, #diversifying investments, #bankruptcy, #files for bankruptcy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Ha ha! We're filing for chapter 11 because all of our so-called profits are fake." The Boss continues, "I'm laughing because I sold all of my stock the same day I heard that our CFO did." Alice shuts her eyes and clenches her teeth in anger. Alice stands up and yells, " You said he was just diversifying his investments!" The Boss responds, " It sounds funny now."