Documented Porcess Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

12 Results for Documented Porcess

View 1 - 10 results for documented porcess comic strips. Discover the best "Documented Porcess" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no rasie, #oo many questions, #can't do job, #saved emails, #policies and procedures, #misperception, #buy software, #permission, #emails, #another question

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, I've documented all of your disciplinary issues in your personnel file." "You have violations for every letter of the alphabet except Z. For some reason you missed that one." Zzzzzz

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Is it more important to follow our documented process or to meet the deadline? "I only ask because our deadline is arbitrary and our documented process was pulled out of someone's lower torso." "Where's your artificial sense of urgency?" "Teamwork killed it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shoddy mistakes, #meeting, #avoid mistakes, #documented process, #keep hearing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "In order to avoid shoddy mistakes, everything we do from now on will be part of a documented process." Wally: "What documented process did you use to decide what documented process to use?" wally: "Or is this one of those shoddy mistakes I keep hearing about?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart consults, #e commerce sight, #well documented, #flying pigs, #coolest part

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults the Boss. Dogbert says, "My team can build an e-commerce site for you." Dogbert continues, "It will be so well-documented that your I.S. group can easily maintain it." The Boss gathers his employees as he explains, "But the coolest part is that the documentation will be delivered by flying pigs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #merging, #porcess, #engineers, #merger, #tech writers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Tina and Wally sit in conference. The Boss says, "We'll be destroying another healthy company via a process we call merging." The Boss says, "No engineers will be down-sized after merger." The Boss says to Tina, "And tech writers..." Tina says, "Yes?!" The Boss says, "Should write that down."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000 certified, #product looks good, #internal porcess, #well documented, #documented porcess, #ace, #double price

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "Your product looks good, but you can't be our supplier unless your company is ISO 9000 certified." The Boss asks, "So . . . You don't care how bad our internal processes are, as long as they're well-documented and used consistently?" The man replies, "That's right." The Boss says, "Our documented process says I must now laugh in your face and double our price."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #audit, #documented procedures, #divided, #two groups, #unethical, #unprodcutive, #train department, #lie to auditor, #document, #inane prcedures

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We'll be having an ISO 9000 audit soon. They'll check to see if we follow our own documented procedures for everything we do." The Boss continues, "I've divided our preparation tasks into two groups: unethical and unproductive." Wally tells Dilbert, "I'll train our department to lie to the auditor. You can document our inane procedures." Dilbert replies, "No fair. You did unethical last time too!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 900 audit, #documented job, #auditor asks, #engineer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We're having an ISO 9000 audit this week." The Boss continues, "Take a look at your documented job descriptions and make sure that it's what you're doing if the auditor asks." Looking at his job description, Dilbert says, "According to this I'm some sort of engineer." Wally, looking at his, says, "As if we'd have time for that . . ."