Dont Panic Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for dont panic comic strips. Discover the best "Dont Panic" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Misremembers

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Tina Misremembers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #cancel, #communication, #remember, #text, #message, #confirm, #trigger, #cognitive dissonance, #absurd, #frogs, #hooves, #wrong, #liar

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Tina: why didn't you tell me you canceled the meeting?!! dilbert: i did. Tina: you absolutely did not. i would certainly remember if you did. dilbert: here are the text messages when i told you i canceled the meeting and you conformed. Alice in a daze. Dilbert: uh-oh. i seemed to have triggered cognitive dissonance. whatever you say next is likely to be an absurdity that allows you to be right when you are wrong. Tina: i told you frogs don't have hooves, but you insisted they did! admit you were wrong! i win you liar! dilbert thinking: this show never gets old.

New Software

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New Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #approval, #software, #necessary, #purchase order, #questions, #blockchain, #stop

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dilbert: i'd like approval to buy some software, and there is no hope you would understand why it is necessary. so just sign off on the purchase and don't ask any questions. boss: is it blockchain? dilbert: just stop.

Zoom Background Designer

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Zoom Background Designer  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #video conference, #zoom, #video backdrop designer, #accurate, #single, #obvious, #sarcasm

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dogbert the video backdrop designer dogbert talking to laptop on table: the background of your video calls says a lot about you. for example, it's obvious you have no women in your life, and your knickknacks suggest you are a latent serial killer. frame switches to wally. wally: spookily accurate. dogbert: exactly. that's what we don't want.

Potted Plant

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Potted Plant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #job, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #employees, #feelings, #potted plant, #new, #boss

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ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.

Wally Helps The New Guy

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Wally Helps The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #training, #new, #employment

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dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit

Elbonian Literature Degree

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Elbonian Literature Degree - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #applicant, #books, #college, #degree, #education, #elbonian, #interview, #language, #major, #test taker, #translation

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applicant: i majored in elbonian literature in college. which is extra challenging because i don't speak elbonian and none of the books are translated. dilbert: how did you get a degree in elbonian literature without reading any? applicant: i'm a great test-taker.

Anythey

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Anythey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #company, #policy, #pronouns, #anythey, #question, #offensive

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boss in meeting: the new company policy is to use "they" in place of offensive pronouns. does anythey have a comment or question? asok: "anythey"? boss: don't fight it.

Frequent Victims Club

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Frequent Victims Club - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #join, #frequent, #victim, #club, #beverage, #minute, #dollar, #track, #purchases, #sell, #data, #colleagues, #stores, #customer, #servey

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man with red apron: would you like to join our frequent victims club? dilbert: no, i just want to buy this beverage. man: you could save a dollar if you join now. it only takes a minute. dilbert: i don't want you tracking my purchases and selling my data. man: i you don't sign up, my colleagues and i will pester you to do it every time you try to buy something. dilbert: i'll take my business elsewhere! man: no. you won't. because other stores are just as bad as we are. dilbert: i am not a victim! man: tell that to the customer survey i'm about to pester you into doing.

Universe Preparing Problems

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Universe Preparing Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #universe, #preparing, #problems, #anger, #laptop, #hate

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dilbert thinking in from of laptop: uh-oh. i don't seem to have any actual problems today. the universe hates it when i have no problems. it must be preparing a big one. dilbert yelling: what's it gonna be this time, universe?! carol: i'll come back.