Essential Upgardes Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

14 Results for Essential Upgardes

View 1 - 10 results for essential upgardes comic strips. Discover the best "Essential Upgardes" comics from Dilbert.com.

Doctor Appointment

Thank you for voting.
Doctor Appointment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #doctor, #office, #office workers, #medical advice, #essential oil, #attitude, #kava

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: i have a doctor's appointment today. the boss: doctor? bah! the boss: all you need are some essential oils and a supplement or two. carol: has anyone ever survived your medical advice? the boss: some kava could fix your attitude problem.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #future product features, #3 priorities, #essential, #critical, #must have, #pretend to add value

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "As you requested, I sorted the future product features into three priorities." "Let me know which group I should stop working on." Essential Critical Must-Have "This is the part where you pretend to add value."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #product designer, #success, #best artists, #design professionals, #ate crayons, #intruders

View Transcript

Transcript

Product designer Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success. Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals. Who ate all the crayons again?! Ratbert: Intruders?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #downsize you, #ted, #bad job, #essentail function, #cost reductions, #marketing, #spent too much, #trade show booth, #dept phone list., #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, I have to downsize you." Ted turns around and asks, "Was I doing a bad job?" The Boss replies, "No, it's more complicated than that." Ted asks, "Is my essential function being eliminated?" The Boss answers, "No, the problem is that someone in marketing spent too much for a trade show booth." The Boss continues, "So every manager had to submit a list of potential cost reductions." The Boss continues, "I might have accidentally sent the department phone list as an e-mail attachment." Ted mumbles, "*%! $@." The Boss thinks, "There are lots of whiners in "A" through "M."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #always right, #arrogance, #management training, #punished, #two rules, #customer

View Transcript

Transcript

MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says, "There are two essential rules of management." The Management Training class, with Alice sitting in the front row, listens as Dogbert continues, "One: The customer is always right." Dogbert continues, "Two: They must be punished for their arrogance!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2000's comic on:


Tags #conditioning worsening, #easiest rounds, #home early, #layoffs, #storm, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss types on his computer, "Due to worsening storm conditions, all 'non-essential' personnel may go home early." The Boss reaches in his desk drawer. The Boss peers out the window in his office through his binoculars and thinks to himself, "This will be the earliest round of layoffs ever."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2000's comic on:


Tags #didn't ask, #erased hard drive, #mansplain, #reformatting hard drive, #step aside, #upgardes

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Noriko, "Step aside. I'm from I.S." Noriko replies, "I didn't ask for any upgrades. " Ted answers, "That's what they all say until..." Noriko says to Ted in a horrified voice, "It's reformatting my hard drive!" Ted replies, "That's ten in a row. Maybe it's me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #time to work, #two assignments, #essential business, #boss solution, #impossible, #doesn't understand

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in The Boss's doorway. Dilbert holds two pieces of paper. Dilbert says, "I have time to do ONE of these two assignments." Dilbert says, "One is essential to the business the other is not. Which ONE do you want me to do?" The Boss says, "Both!" Dilbert says, "I know you WANT both. But if you can only GET one..." The Boss says, "Combine them and just do one."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #reduce expenses, #essentail jobs, #business cards, #borrow some

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "In order to reduce expenses, only the employees in essential jobs may have business cards." Wally, Dilbert and Alice think, "I'd better order some business cards to find out if I'm 'essential.'" The Boss says to his secretary, "Carol, order some new business cards for me." Carol replies, "Ooh. No can do. But you can borrow some of mine."