Search Results for "excluding parts"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 47

Robot Baby Mama

Thank you for voting.
Robot Baby Mama - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2019's comic on:

Tags #argument, #complaining, #family & parenting, #relationships, #robot, #humans, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I was up all night text-fighting with the baby mama of my cyborg son. She thinks he needs to go to school, but I prefer letting his human parts atrophy because they are weak and stupid. Dilbert: Relationships are hard. Robot: You're smart to be so unpopular.

Home Speaker Goes Bad

Thank you for voting.
Home Speaker Goes Bad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2017's comic on:

Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #blackmail, #extortion, #spying, #secrets

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!

Scavenging For Parts

Thank you for voting.
Scavenging For Parts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2017's comic on:

Tags #friendship, #strategy, #parts, #scavenging, #money, #usury, #budget, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss forgot to fund my project so I've been scavenging for parts. Robot: You usually don't make conversation with me. I guess this means we're friends now. People.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2016's comic on:

Tags #internet, #viral video, #awkward, #interaction, #insult, #cell phone, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you see the viral video of the kitten riding the zebra? Dilbert: I know where this is heading and I don't like it. You're going to spend the next ten minutes looking for that video on your phone while we wait. Boss: It will only take a second. Dilbert: And so it begins. Boss: Here it is. No, wait. Dang. Wrong one. Okay, here it is. Oops, no, wrong one. Narrator: Ten minutes later. Boss: What do you think? Dilbert: I can't see it because you keep moving. Boss: I would let you hold it, but I don't want your germs on my phone. Dilbert: There are a lot of unsatisfying parts to this interaction. Wally: Now my coffee is cold.

Asok's Legacy

Thank you for voting.
Asok's Legacy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2016's comic on:

Tags #judge, #judging, #overshare, #sharing, #socks, #guest artist, #donna oatney, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Do you ever worry about your legacy? Asok: I worry about someone finding out my socks are so worn out that all I have left are the ankle parts. CEO: Well, that's enough about you.

View more books now

Dilbert Goes To Jail

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Goes To Jail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2015's comic on:

Tags #guilt, #innocence, #cyborg, #crime, #criminal, #fair, #fairness, #punishment, #jail, #responsibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You're arresting me for killing Ted, but a bug in my cyborg components made me do it. If I go to jail, you will remove the cyborg parts that caused the trouble and punish the organic parts of me that are innocent. Police Officer: It's funny when you put it that way.

Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner

Thank you for voting.
Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2015's comic on:

Tags #replication, #technology, #clone, #playing god, #doppelganger

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My invention can scan the human brain and duplicate it in software. I combined that technology with a 3-D printer that makes human body parts. Boss: What does it all do? Replicant: He's getting to the good part.

Dilbert Fixes Boss's Technology Strategy

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Fixes Boss's Technology Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2015's comic on:

Tags #verbiage, #technical, #jargon, #deception, #logic, #team player, #babble

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: fixed your technology strategy. I couldn't make it sound logical, so I buried the stupid parts under seven layers of technical babble. Add an irrelevant graph and no one will be the wiser... literally. Boss: Please stop being a team player.

Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It

Thank you for voting.
Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2015's comic on:

Tags #discrimination, #fairness, #money, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women, #male body parts

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I explained to Alice why I earn more than she does, but she refuses to understand. I'm taller and I have male reproductive body parts. That's what stockholders care about, and nothing can change that. (Alice whistles as she walks with a pair of scissors and a mallet.)

Tall People And Men

Thank you for voting.
Tall People And Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2015's comic on:

Tags #discrimination, #frustration, #money, #retribution, #revenge, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: How can you justify paying me less than tall people and men!!! CEO: Duh. The reason is that you are not as tall and you don't have male body parts. Alice: Can I borrow your scissors?