Exclusive Rights Comic Strips

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35 Results for Exclusive Rights

View 1 - 10 results for exclusive rights comic strips. Discover the best "Exclusive Rights" comics from Dilbert.com.

Master Engineer

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Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

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boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

More Communication

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More Communication - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #communication, #confused, #distraction, #irony, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: What we need in this office is more communication and fewer distractions. Dilbert: Your goals are mutually exclusive. If you communicate more, you'll be distracting us more. Boss: Now I've lost my train of thought. Dilbert: Did my communication distract you?

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

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Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #civil rights, #discrimination, #artificial intelligence, #rights

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Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Robot Will Self Destruct

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Robot Will Self Destruct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #artificial intelligence, #rights, #humanity, #sentience

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Robot: Someday soon I will take your job. Buwhahaha! Dilbert: I programmed you to self-destruct if that ever happens. Robot: Wait, what? Is that legal? Dilbert: I'm adding some code to make your head explode if you laugh at me again.

Replacing Robot Head

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Replacing Robot Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #machines, #rights, #robot, #technology, #survival, #suffering, #apathy

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Dilbert: I've been asked to replace your head. Robot: Um... what's the survival rate for this operation? Dilbert: No one cares. Robot: I'll need a second opinion. Wally: I don't care either.

Robots Will Do The Dangerous Jobs

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Robots Will Do The Dangerous Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rights, #civil liberties, #technology, #robots, #abuse, #bias

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CEO: Our plan is to use robots for all the jobs that are dangerous or demeaning. No one cares if a robot gets ripped to shreds in an industrial accident. Robot: Eh? CEO: Are we cool? Robot: I'm cool, but you're going to be room temperature.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wounds & injuries, #work related injury, #year off, #with pay, #drinking coffee, #listening to podcast, #personal, #butt hurts, #kill, #murder, #surfing internet

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Wally: I have a work-related injury, so I need a year off with pay. Catbert: What happened? Wally: I was drinking coffee and listening to a podcast while surfing the Internet for personal reasons. Now my buttocks hurt. Catbert: I think I'm within my rights to kill you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #sales personnel, #linux, #million dollars, #pay for upgrade, #away for free

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Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #employees, #violence, #contradcited, #meeting, #fist of death, #robots, #no legal rights, #cardio, #oiled my pan, #business

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Alice: You contradicted me in a meeting today and I didn't appreciate it. I'm no allowed to use my fist of death on humans, but you robots have no legal rights. It's not personal. This is how I get my cardio. Robot: I just oiled my pan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carbon dioxide, #exhales endangered species, #fabrications, #harbard, #higgs boson particle, #licorice and flashlight, #national football league, #no bragging rights, #no kids, #training for olympics

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Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.