Execution Instead Comic Strips
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135 Results for Execution Instead
View 1 - 10 results for execution instead comic strips. Discover the best "Execution Instead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 21,
2021
C Level Sacrifice
Tags #business, #political issues, #stock market, #technology, #brand, #board, #fire, #Politics, #ruin, #human, #sacrifice, #chief technology officer, #performance, #employment
Transcript
catbert: the board wants to fire you for speaking out about politics and ruining our brand. ceo: ask if they'll accept a c-level human sacrifice instead. catbert: they said yes. ceo: now fire my cto and tell him it's something about his performance.
Saturday May 08,
2021
Work From Home Or Office
Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #office, #work from home, #home, #quit, #shoot, #dead, #mistake, #happiness
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: how many of you would prefer going back to work in the office instead of working at home? voices from laptop: i'd rather be dead. i quit. shoot me. boss walking in living room thinking: i knew it was a mistake to let them taste happiness.
Wednesday April 28,
2021
Instead Of Handshakes
Tags #business, #technology, #handshake, #substitute, #read, #vote, #suggestions, #obscene
Transcript
boss in meeting with dilbert and wally. boss: thank you for your suggestions on what we should do instead of shaking hands. i'd like to read a few. and we can take a vote. well, it seems that all of your suggestions are obscene. wally raised hand: i vote yes
Tuesday October 06,
2020
Height Advantage
Tags #company, #employement, #fired, #height, #hiring, #managers & supervisors, #pay cut, #short, #tall, #video conferencing, #zoom
Transcript
boss video conferencing with carl: carl, i hired you because you are tall, but now it doesn't matter because everyone looks the same height on zoom. your height advantage has disappeared, so today will be your last day with the company. carl: maybe instead you could cut my pay to the same level as short people. boss: that just might work.
Monday August 17,
2020
It Is A Burden To Know You
Tags #business, #office workers, #technology, #video, #assignment, #homework, #helpful, #enemies
Transcript
co-worker: did you watch the video i sent? dilbert: it's a burden to know you because you keep assigning me homework. co-worker: i'm trying to be helpful. dilbert: can you help my enemies instead?
Wednesday July 08,
2020
No To Pie Chart
Tags #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #technology, #pie chart, #line graph, #stupid, #insubordination, #covid, #face mask
Transcript
boss and dilbert wearing face masks boss: put this on a pie chart instead of a line graph. dilbert: no, that's stupid. i'm not going to do that. boss: oh. okay. dilbert: why is this working? continued...
Sunday April 12,
2020
Loving Yourself
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love
Transcript
boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!
Saturday December 07,
2019
Consider Polyamory
Tags #psychology, #relationships, #office work, #polyamory, #girl friend, #progress, #business
Transcript
alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two. dilbert: that would feel like progress. alice: you're welcome.
Tuesday September 24,
2019
Try Hiding
Tags #Advice, #boss, #compliment, #criticism, #ego, #employees, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Dogbert: If you compliment your employees, they will get big heads and think they are underpaid. But if you criticize them, they will be unhappy and quit. Boss: What should I do instead of those things? Dogbert: Have you tried hiding?
Tuesday August 13,
2019
Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy
Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance
Transcript
Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?