Execution Instead Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

131 Results for Execution Instead

View 1 - 10 results for execution instead comic strips. Discover the best "Execution Instead" comics from Dilbert.com.

It Is A Burden To Know You

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
It Is A Burden To Know You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2020's comic on:

Tags #business, #office workers, #technology, #video, #assignment, #homework, #helpful, #enemies

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: did you watch the video i sent? dilbert: it's a burden to know you because you keep assigning me homework. co-worker: i'm trying to be helpful. dilbert: can you help my enemies instead?

No To Pie Chart

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No To Pie Chart - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2020's comic on:

Tags #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #technology, #pie chart, #line graph, #stupid, #insubordination, #covid, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and dilbert wearing face masks boss: put this on a pie chart instead of a line graph. dilbert: no, that's stupid. i'm not going to do that. boss: oh. okay. dilbert: why is this working? continued...

Loving Yourself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loving Yourself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2020's comic on:

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Consider Polyamory

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Consider Polyamory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2019's comic on:

Tags #psychology, #relationships, #office work, #polyamory, #girl friend, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two. dilbert: that would feel like progress. alice: you're welcome.

Try Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Try Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2019's comic on:

Tags #Advice, #boss, #compliment, #criticism, #ego, #employees, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: If you compliment your employees, they will get big heads and think they are underpaid. But if you criticize them, they will be unhappy and quit. Boss: What should I do instead of those things? Dogbert: Have you tried hiding?

Dilbert Characters

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2019's comic on:

Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

Take The Stairs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Take The Stairs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2019's comic on:

Tags #birthdays, #encouragement, #exercise & fitness, #health, #office, #office workers, #company, #life insurance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company encourages you to take the stairs instead of the elevator because it is good for your health. Ted: I take the elevator because my life insurance doesn't pay off if I kill myself all at once. Boss: On another topic, we will celebrate birthdays this month with cake in the break room. Ted: Perfect.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2019's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #insults, #office, #office workers, #people, #sarcasm, #introvert, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Sometimes it seems as if you don't like me. Dilbert: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just an introvert. Being around people drains my energy. I only avoid you because spending five minutes with you feels like being buried alive. With fleas instead of dirt. Tina: So...it isn't personal? Dilbert: I need a nap.

Ai With Bad Analogies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai With Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2019's comic on:

Tags #engineering, #questions, #robot, #technology, #humans, #rational

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My breakthrough in A.I. came when I stopped trying to duplicate human rational thought. Dogbert: You can't copy what doesn't exist. Dilbert: Right. So instead I coded it to spout analogies to sound human. Asok: Should I ask my boss for a raise? Robot: Trees don't ask for raises, so why should you?

Blockchain Versus Databases

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Blockchain Versus Databases - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2018's comic on:

Tags #boss, #computers, #office workers, #questions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: And we can put the customer data on the blockchain. Alice: Why not use an immutable database instead? Dilbert: Which way should we go? Boss: Are either of them my favorite color?