Extortion Magazine Comic Strips

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51 Results for Extortion Magazine

View 1 - 10 results for extortion magazine comic strips. Discover the best "Extortion Magazine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Magazine Article

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Magazine Article - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #publication, #salesman, #advertisement, #best, #company, #decision

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magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements. boss: and if we don't? magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?

Dogbert's Service Human

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Dogbert's Service Human - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #magazines, #office, #office workers, #service, #ipad

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dogbert to dilbert: this is my service human. office worker on leash. dogbert: whenever i feel angry, i slap him with a rolled-up magazine to help me relax. service human: no one reads magazines anymore. dogbert: can i borrow your iPad?

Wally Maintains The Network

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Wally Maintains The Network  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #information, #spying, #surviellance, #blackmail, #extortion

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Boss: Wally, your performance is terrible. You're fired. Wally: Are you aware that every message you have ever sent using company devices is archived on a network you assigned me to maintain? Boss: Is that a threat? Wally: I also archive your web searches.

Home Speaker Goes Bad

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Home Speaker Goes Bad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #blackmail, #extortion, #spying, #secrets

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #accomplish, #week, #fantasy, #time magazine, #entrepreneurial, #real job, #motion to head, #powerpoint slides, #horror, #real life, #kill, #business

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #leaning, #sitting, #magazine, #piece of mind

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Sitting There Wally thinks, "Leaning? What's that got to do with sitting?" Wally thinks, "I remember when Sitting There meant something. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind." A voice says, "Frankly, we ran out of things to say about sitting." Wally says, "I find that hard to believe!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2006's comic on:


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"Our company has decided to try something new." Six Sigma "New? Six Sigma was developed in the 80s." "It's new to us." "Why don't we jump on a fad that hasn't already been widely discredited?" "That way the false hope might sustain us." "There's nothing wrong with Six Sigma. All it does is reduce defects!" "Let's see...Fortune Magazine sys...blah, blah...Most companies that used Six Sigma have trailed the S&P 500." "Sorry I'm late. What did I miss while I was innovating?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2006's comic on:


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"A business magazine is sending a reporter to interview me." "You?" "They want to learn my best management practices." "That's a little like milking a squirrel because you need butter." "I don't know what that meant, but I like the way it sounded." "Describe your typical day." "Well, let me tell you..." "Sometimes you milk the squirrel, and sometimes the squirrel milks you." "'He is like a zen master. His words are peppered with squirrel-related wisdom.'" THE TIMES

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #gullible world magazine, #engineering, #before and after, #picture, #before picture pose, #sexy

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"May I take your picture for a feature story in 'Gullible World' magazine?" "It's a story about how engineering makes you sexier." "Gosh, okay." "Perfect. Now all I need is someone to pose for the 'After' picture."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #buy advertsising, #gullible world, #2 billion readers, #three readers

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Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."