Failed Ceo Comic Strips

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631 Results for Failed Ceo

View 1 - 10 results for failed ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Failed Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Looks Like A Duck

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Looks Like A Duck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #sayings, #duck, #update

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ceo: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's... dilbert: a deep fake? ceo: i was going to say duck. dilbert: you might want to update your folksy sayings every century or two.

Others Have Failed

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Others Have Failed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #idea, #technology, #rodent, #insult, #cheese, #business

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male employee: your idea won't work because others have already tried it and failed. dilbert: others have tried different things that simply remind you of my idea. i mean, you remind me of a rodent, but that doesn't prove you like cheese. employee: i love cheese

Ceo Visits

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Ceo Visits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #ceo, #office, #questions, #visit, #eyes, #dead, #business

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dilbert: our ceo will be visiting the office tomorrow, so act busy. and don't look directly at him because i don't want him to see how dead your eyes look. dilbert: can we ask him questions? boss: no, nothing good can come from that.

Wally Compared To A Placebo

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Wally Compared To A Placebo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #project, #failure, #coincidence, #placebo, #insult

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boss: wally, i've noticed that every project you have worked on has failed. is that a coincidence? wally: it's hard to know. unless you compare me to a placebo. boss: okay, you're worse than a placebo. wally: i thought that would take longer.

Learning What Doesn't Work

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Learning What Doesn't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #project, #fail, #failure, #business

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wally in meeting: my project failed miserably, but i think we can agree we came out ahead. for example, we learned what does not work boss: you? wally: that's one way to look at it.

Test Device Analogy

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Test Device Analogy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #technology, #power drill, #test, #device, #analogy, #office

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dilbert: i designed the test device to be held like one would hold a power drill ted: that's stupid. that product can't drill a hole in anything ceo: good point dilbert: that's... not... how analogies work. ted: and what if i don't need to drill anything? ceo: yeah!

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Best Employees

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Best Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2019's comic on:


Tags #big business, #confused, #employees, #customer service

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CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?

Ceo Visits

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Ceo Visits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #hiding, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

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Boss: Our CEO is coming for an office visit tomorrow. I need you to tidy up your cubicle and hide in the bathroom when he visits. Wally: Won't he wonder where everyone is? Boss: No, this is more of a "you" thing.

Consultant Gets No Help

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Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

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the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.