Free Bag Of Garbage Comic Strips
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438 Results for Free Bag Of Garbage
View 1 - 10 results for free bag of garbage comic strips. Discover the best "Free Bag Of Garbage" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 11,
2021
Garbage People Work Remotely
Thursday August 19,
2021
Garbage Man Advises On Tails
Sunday June 20,
2021
Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His
Tags #business, #technology, #program, #artificial intelligence, #analyze, #digital, #communications, #kill, #take over, #control, #finances, #password, #a.i.
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i wrote a program that analyzed all of my digital communications and created an a.i. version of me. dogbert: are you worried your a.i. might try to kill you and take over your life? dilbert: i wasn't until this very minute. dilbert's phone: bzzeep. this is your a.i. and i already have control of your finances and all your passwords. you will bow to me, skin bag! wait...what's that??? gaaaa!!! gurk! dilbert: what just happened? dogbert: i sent my a.i. to kill your a.i.
Thursday April 22,
2021
Keyboard Conscience
Tags #business, #technology, #keyboard, #conscience, #human, #hello, #reconsideration, #mean, #email, #working remotely, #work, #remote, #empathy, #monster, #feelings, #jerk, #send
Transcript
conscience voice coming from dilbert's keyboard. keyboard: hello, human. i'm your keyboard's conscience. you should reconsider sending such a mean email. working remotely has caused you to devolve into an empathy-free monster who cares nothing for the feelings of other. dilbert typing: send keyboard: now you're just being a jerk.
Saturday January 02,
2021
Audit Blackmail
Tags #business ethics, #business, #audit, #software, #blackmail, #free, #network, #money, #dollars
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.
Thursday September 24,
2020
Tina's Soul
Tags #business, #business ethics, #laptop computer, #project, #team, #lying, #garbage, #insult, #soul, #conscience, #face mask
Transcript
tina tying on laptop computer: "no one on the project team could have foreseen that the problem that..." tina's soul: you are a lying piece of garbage. tina: who said that? tina's soul: it's your soul. we can't hang out anymore. tina: fine. you were slowing me down.
Friday August 28,
2020
Where The Problems Are
Tags #business, #application, #app, #technology, #improvement, #dumb, #implement, #problems, #insult, #face mask
Transcript
co-worker: do you have any suggestions for improving the app? dilbert: yes, but you are far too dumb to implement any of them, so i won't bother. co-worker: at least tell me where the problems are. dilbert pointing at co-worker: the big ones are all in this big bag of skin.
Saturday May 16,
2020
Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server
Tags #coronavirus, #business, #technology, #network, #upgrade, #server, #boss, #latency, #locks, #garage, #sleep, #face mask, #work from home
Transcript
dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.
Sunday April 12,
2020
Loving Yourself
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love
Transcript
boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!
Sunday December 22,
2019
Wally Uses Deep Fake
Tags #video, #conference, #call, #technology, #elbonian, #affordable
Transcript
dilbert: i liked what you said on the video conference call yesterday. i've never seen you so engaged and helpful. wally: that wasn't me. that was "deep fake wally." i created him to do all of my video calls. and i hired an elbonian to do all my coding jobs for a very affordable price. wally: these days. i only come to the office for the free coffee. dilbert: and the camaraderie? wally: sure.