boss: on friday we'll be having a team building session on zoom. you are welcome to drink heavily because you will already be home.
dilbert: i don't know how that could be more absurd.
boss: and buy a gift for yourself.
Carol: I need to go home early today.
Can you collect money for our boss's birthday gift?
Carol: I wouldn't ask you don to it, but his birthday is tomorrow.
Dilbert: um...okay.
Carol: and could you also order a cake?
You'll also need a card and a gift.
Dilbert: This got a lot harder than I thought it....
Carol: Thanks! Bye!
Dilbert: Tomorrow is our Boss's Birthday and I need to leave for early today, so...
Alice: Nice try.
Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.
The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.
Tina: I feel as if my career has stalled. Dilbert: Have you tried leaning-in? I hear good things about that. Tina: How do you sound helpful and offensive at the same time? Dilbert: Some say I have a gift.
Boss: The key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally: My special gift is getting paid for doing nothing but babbling jargon. Boss: Maybe I should lead by example. Wally: Maybe you already did.
Dogbert: Merry Christmas! This gift is based on the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics. There's a cat in here that's neither dead nor alive. Dilbert: Where are the airholes? Dogbert: I have control issues.
Dogbert: Merry Christmas. I got you the gift of absolutely nothing. Nothing to unwrap, nothing to clutter the house, nothing to return, nothing to assemble, and not a single thing to feel guilty about. Dilbert: You totally get me. Dogbert: It was the least I could do.
Alice: What's up with the ugly sweater? Did you lose a bet? Dilbert: This? Oh, right. It was a gift from my mom. I'm wearing it once in case she asks me later. Alice: Did you know it was hideous before I told you? Dilbert: Maybe.
