Glass Half Full Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

325 Results for Glass Half Full

View 1 - 10 results for glass half full comic strips. Discover the best "Glass Half Full" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok Is Overpaid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Is Overpaid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #project, #technology, #time, #pay, #argue, #math, #face mask, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: i finished my project in half the projected time. boss: that means i'm paying you twice as much as you deserve. asok: i don't think it means that at all. boss: you look dumb arguing with math.

Astrology Filter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Astrology Filter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #Astrology, #business, #incoherent, #sense, #strategic, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert looking at laptop: your strategic technology plan was incoherent. i had to run it through an astrology filter to make sense out of it. boss video conferencing: and? dilbert: it says you are "full of taurus" and your plan "is a cancer." boss: sounds right.

Boss Is In A High Risk Group

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is In A High Risk Group - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #health & safety, #office workers, #sarcasm, #virus, #pandemic, #risk

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Are you worried about coronavirus because you're in a high-risk group? Boss: Why would I be in a high-risk group? Carol: Do you own a full-length mirror? Boss: No. They make me look fat.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Alice's Brain Is Full

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice's Brain Is Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #brain, #full, #memory, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: why aren't you working? alice: my brain is full. boss: i'll check back later. alice: i won't remember you.

Price Gouging

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade

View Transcript

Transcript

vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.

Making World Better Place

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!

Mindless Tasks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mindless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #despondent, #tasks, #mindless

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert thinking: looks like it will be another full day of interacting with people i wouldn't pull out of a burning car even if i were made of asbestos. my only hope is to stay busy doing mindless tasks. dilbert: do you have any mindless tasks for me? boss: take one from the top of the pile.

Dilbert Gets A Mentor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Gets A Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.

Project Update

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Project Update - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary