Growth Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

26 Results for Growth

View 1 - 10 results for growth comic strips. Discover the best "Growth" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #techspeak, #nonsense, #bluff, #deception, #conversation, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, did you Uberize the slide deck? Wally: I harmonized it in the cloud. Boss: Are we ready for a trans-domain kick-off? Wally: I put a disruptive mesh network in the microservices of the Internet of things. Boss: Will that be good enough to "ask the fridge" or do I need to start disintermediating? Wally: It depends on if we have enough bandwidth to growth-hack the analytics. Boss: I just hope our clicks-and-mortar strategy staircases. Dilbert: I'm almost certain that was nonsense. Wally: Sometimes it's about the journey.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arguing, #job, #job description, #managers, #manipulation, #taking advantage, #task, #whiney quitter, #resourceful entrepreneur, #personal growth, #outside the box, #key to greatness, #assigning wrong people, #mow lawn, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: That isn't in my job description. Boss: What?! You should never tell your boss that a task isn't in your job description! It makes you sound like a whiney quitter instead of a resourceful entrepreneur. And don't forget all the personal growth that comes from taking on new challenges. Think outside the box. That is the key to greatness. Dilbert: So, according to you, the best way to achieve greatness is by assigning the wrong people to tasks? Are there any other dumb things I need to do to achieve greatness or is one thing enough? Catbert: Did you find someone to mow your lawn yet? Boss: Almost. He's putting up a fight.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #trees, #computer model, #genetically modify, #tree growth, #rare earth minerals, #run a trail, #money dents grow on trees, #fault

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #work ethic, #growth hacker, #web apps, #perfect job, #growth hackers, #do nothing, #work from home

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We need a "growth hacker" for our web apps. I think I'd be perfect for that job. Boss: I've heard of growth hackers, but I have no idea what they do all day. You could do nothing and I wouldn't know the difference. Wally: And I could work from home.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spam filter, #self aware, #managing the company, #messages, #allow through, #email, #hair growth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arc welder, #barrel of kerosene, #growth on neck, #health plan, #laid eggs, #pregnant termite, #quick search, #to diagnose, #use google

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: The new company health plan is Google. From now on, employees must use Google to diagnose their own illnesses. For example, this guy has a growth on his neck. Guy: I do? Catbert: A quick search on my Blackberry tells me it's... Guy: What is it?!! Catbert: Ooh. Wow. A pregnant termite crawled into your mouth and built a hive in your esophagus. Guy: GAAA!!!" "Stop being a baby. The treatment for that is... Catbert: Do you have an arc welder and a barrel of kerosene?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I just saw a study that says the dull appearance of my cubicle is probably inhibiting the growth of neurons in my brain! "Try sitting there for a few hours and then tell me if you feel any different." "Now I can't remember what I was complaining about."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview candidate, #isn't too old, #illegal ask, #telltale signs, #explosive ear hair

View Transcript

Transcript

Interview this candidate and make sure he isn't too old. "It's illegal to ask his age." "Just stall until you see the telltale signs of E.E.H.G." "E.E.H.G.?" "Explosive ear hair growth." "Hmm. No wrinkles. But maybe he uses moisturizers and stays out of the sun." "Wait...wait..." "Can't...hold out any...longer." "GAAA!!! Look away! Look away!" "Ha!" "Then I waited and waited...What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #journal, #personal growth, #write in journal, #felt a little

View Transcript

Transcript

Keep a journal of everything you do. That way you'll know where you need help. "Now I am writing in my journal. I am still writing in my journal. Now I am writing about writing in my journal." "Ooh. I think I felt a little personal growth there."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #optimism, #blah blah, #record growth, #not litening, #inappropriate

View Transcript

Transcript

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "I wasn't listening. I'll try some optimism. That works in every situation." "I hope we'll see record growth!" "In my prostate?"