Half Of Life Comic Strips
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518 Results for Half Of Life
View 1 - 10 results for half of life comic strips. Discover the best "Half Of Life" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 18,
2021
Half Of Employees Like Tails
Wednesday July 07,
2021
Personal Growth
Tags #pandemic, #positive, #personal growth, #lockdown, #afraid, #fear, #prison, #life of crime, #attraction, #empathy, #people, #screen faces
Transcript
dilbert: one positive thing about the pandemic is all the personal growth i had during the lockdown. for example, i'm no longer afraid of going to prison, so... a life of crime is more attractive than ever. dogbert: did you lose your empathy for other people? dilbert: you mean the screen faces?
Monday June 21,
2021
Zoom Background Designer
Tags #business, #video conference, #zoom, #video backdrop designer, #accurate, #single, #obvious, #sarcasm
Transcript
dogbert the video backdrop designer dogbert talking to laptop on table: the background of your video calls says a lot about you. for example, it's obvious you have no women in your life, and your knickknacks suggest you are a latent serial killer. frame switches to wally. wally: spookily accurate. dogbert: exactly. that's what we don't want.
Sunday June 20,
2021
Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His
Tags #business, #technology, #program, #artificial intelligence, #analyze, #digital, #communications, #kill, #take over, #control, #finances, #password, #a.i.
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i wrote a program that analyzed all of my digital communications and created an a.i. version of me. dogbert: are you worried your a.i. might try to kill you and take over your life? dilbert: i wasn't until this very minute. dilbert's phone: bzzeep. this is your a.i. and i already have control of your finances and all your passwords. you will bow to me, skin bag! wait...what's that??? gaaaa!!! gurk! dilbert: what just happened? dogbert: i sent my a.i. to kill your a.i.
Sunday March 07,
2021
Fired For Social Media
Tags #social media, #business, #technology, #employment, #fire, #offensive, #bad, #people, #twitter, #issues, #context, #sides, #associate, #monsters
Transcript
boss: dilbert: i need to fire you for your social media activities. dilbert: did i say something offensive? boss: i'm getting reports that you follow bad people on twitter. dilbert: i follow people on both sides of every issue so i can see the full context. boss: that might sound good on paper, but half of the people you follow are monsters of one sort or another. dilbert: isn't it obvious that enforcing this kind of standard can only lead in a bad direction. boss: no, i don't see that at all. all i see is that you associate with people who are monsters. ceo to boss: i'm getting reports that you follow dilbert on twitter.
Wednesday January 13,
2021
Make Or Break Project
Tags #business, #technology, #project, #career, #performance, #budget
Transcript
boss: dilbert, i'm putting you in charge of a project that will make or break your career. this is the big one. the rest of your life will depend on how you perform on this project. dilbert: what's my budget? boss: no budget.
Tuesday January 12,
2021
The Moron Option
Tags #business, #technology, #corporate rule, #vendor, #accounts receivable, #30 days, #pay, #payment, #exception, #moron
Transcript
dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.
Saturday October 10,
2020
Asok Is Overpaid
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #project, #technology, #time, #pay, #argue, #math, #face mask, #salary
Transcript
asok: i finished my project in half the projected time. boss: that means i'm paying you twice as much as you deserve. asok: i don't think it means that at all. boss: you look dumb arguing with math.
Sunday October 04,
2020
Golden Age For Wally
Tags #6 feet, #avoid, #coffee, #eye contact, #face mask, #grocery shopping, #office workers, #social distancing, #upgrade, #Women
Transcript
wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.
Saturday September 05,
2020
Lifetime Of Being Wrong
Tags #business, #office workers, #wrong, #decision, #career, #assess, #life, #sarcasm, #face mask
Transcript
dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.