Hidden Objectives Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

66 Results for Hidden Objectives

View 1 - 10 results for hidden objectives comic strips. Discover the best "Hidden Objectives" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #dark matter, #universe, #new excuse, #a-b test, #hidden dimensions

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The universe is full of dark matter, quantum strangeness, and hidden dimensions. In such a universe, can we really know whether or not I did my assignment? Dilbert: How'd the new excuse work out? Wally: It did well in the A-B test against "You never told me to do that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #executives, #leadership, #acceptable behavior, #alight goals, #company objectives, #deal directly, #conflict, #maintain positive attitude, #impressive

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #prison (jail), #governments data, #hidden tunnel, #elbonian embassy

View Transcript

Transcript

NSA Agent: Maybe a few days in solitary will make you tell us how you stole the government's data. Dilbert: Is this the cell with the hidden tunnel? NSA Agent: The what? Dilbert: I'll be at the Elbonian embassy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #sleeping & waking up, #work ethic, #aggressive recruiter, #passive job seeker, #hidden gems, #passive, #falling in love

View Transcript

Transcript

Recruiter: I'm an aggressive recruiter looking for passive job seekers. Passive job seekers are hidden gems for recruiters, and you're the most passive one I've ever seen. Stop making me love you! Wally: ZZZZZZ.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #managers & supervisors, #new strategy, #engineers, #middle manager, #glue, #binds, #vague objectives, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: What did our CEO have to say? Boss: He has a new strategy, but it seems vague. Carol: What will the engineers think about it? Boss: They don't care about this stuff. Carol: What exactly does a middle manager do? Boss: We're the glue that binds the apathy to the vague objectives.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being replced, #robot, #hack into, #disgruntled robot, #objective unclear, #fax machine, #paranoid

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day. Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled. Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #nailing them, #unspoken objectives, #goals never mentioned

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How are you doing in your unspoken objectives? Dilbert: My what? Boss: I'm referring to the goals I have in my mind that I've never mentioned. How are those going? Dilbert: I'm totally nailing them.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #customers, #trust, #board, #write, #lie, #raise hand, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How can we rebuild the trust of our customers? Let's brainstorm." Dilbert says, "We could stop using misleading benchmark tests to sell shoddy products that have hidden costs." The Boss says, "I heard someone say 'lie.' Let's write that one down."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #talking, #vendor, #pitching, #idea, #praying, #agreeing, #begging, #promises, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "We have the best hidden costs of any vendor." Man says, "Our upgrade and maintenance fees won't kick in until you've already received a bonus for reducing costs." Man thinks, "Please, please, please be a sociopath." Wally says, "Sounds good. I'm not a big fan of our stockholders."