Hire A Moron Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

206 Results for Hire A Moron

View 1 - 10 results for hire a moron comic strips. Discover the best "Hire A Moron" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Helps

Thank you for voting.
Boss Helps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #project, #deadline, #interruption, #business, #new, #task, #priority

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: why isn't your project done yet? dilbert: because every time i walk past your office you give me three new tasks and tell men they are my highest priority. boss: i was hoping you didn't know why. dilbert: hire someone dumber next time.

Microaggressions

Thank you for voting.
Microaggressions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #human resources, #micro aggressions, #hire, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: someone reported you to human resources for all of your micro aggressions dilbert: what would be an example of one? catbert: it doesn't matter dilbert: it feels as of to should matter catbert: this is why engineers never get hired for human resources

We Already Have A Carl

Thank you for voting.
We Already Have A Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #interview, #skills, #confuse, #employee, #names

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't hire you because we already have an employee named carl. it would confuse people, and we don't need that. interviewee: what about my skills? boss: people with better names have skills too.

Wally Is New Pet Employee

Thank you for voting.
Wally Is New Pet Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business ethics, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.

Counting Morons

Thank you for voting.
Counting Morons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #moron

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker, dilbert and the boss at conference table. office worker: dilbert and i disagree on how to fix the bug. dilbert: for context, one of us is a moron, and one of us is always right. the boss: i'm confused because there are three of us here. dilbert: i forgot one moron.

Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence

Thank you for voting.
Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #moron, #elbonian

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: we have seventeen pieces of evidence that you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: no, you have seventeen coincidences and a bad case of confirmation bias. dilbert: how about i prove you're a moron and see how far that gets us?

Headphone Claims

Thank you for voting.
Headphone Claims - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #headphones, #false, #advertising, #help, #scientist, #boss, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting sued for claiming out headphones cure brain tumor and raise your IQ. Boss: We'll need to hire a scientist to back us on this. Dilbert: Where will we find a scientist willing to do that? Boss: Well, I wouldn't start with the rich ones.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Tons Of Experience

Thank you for voting.
Tons Of Experience - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #employment, #interviews, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #experience

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We only hire people who have experience. Man: How can I get experience if no one wants to hire inexperienced people? Boss: We do hire liars. Man: Oh, good. I have tons of experience.

Criminal Does Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #market, #competitive, #career, #criminal, #internal, #tech support, #passwords, #software, #justice, #fist

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?