Hire Contract Employees Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for hire contract employees comic strips. Discover the best "Hire Contract Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

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Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argue, #business, #employees, #enginners, #managers & supervisors, #replace, #robots, #technology, #train

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boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

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Critics Not Intelligent

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Critics Not Intelligent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #office workers, #employees, #smart, #critics, #agreement, #face mask

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alice: i've noticed that none of my critics are intelligent. smart people always seem to agree with me. dilbert: what makes you think they are smart? alice: because they agree with me. i have to give you a maskless "duh" for that. alice pulls off face mask: duh!

Reasonable Doubt

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Reasonable Doubt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #employees, #health, #leader, #coronavirus, #indoor, #face mask, #kill, #doubt, #sarcasm

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Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.

No More Id Badges

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No More Id Badges - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #i.d. badge, #employees, #freedom, #tattoo, #sarcasm, #face mask

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boss: the company is considering no longer requiring employees to wear i.d. badges. asok yelling: yes! freedom! dilbert: too too. hold... hold... boss: ...in favor of permanent forehead tattoos. dilbert: always wait for the second part.

Bad Judge Of Character

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Bad Judge Of Character - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #bad, #judge, #character, #hire, #termite, #clothes, #disguise, #youtube, #makeup, #video

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boss wearing face mask: i'm starting to think i'm a bad judge of character. the last three people i hired turned out to be termite colonies in clothes. dilbert in face mask: how did they disguise the face part? boss: they learned from youtube makeup videos.

No Talk About Morale

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No Talk About Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #morale, #talk, #engagement, #workplace, #culture, #happy, #question, #covid, #pandemic

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dilbert and boss wearing face masks. dilbert: i've noticed that we used to talk about employee morale... but now we talk about "engagement" and "workplace culture." why is that? boss: we found out it doesn't matter if you are happy. dilbert: remind me to never ask another question.

Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist

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Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #racism, #fired, #employees, #white supremacist, #apathy, #career, #punch, #witness, #denial

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ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.

Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus

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Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attractive, #contract, #covid-19, #dating, #eyes, #goodnight, #kiss, #lawyers, #mask, #masked, #negotiations, #office workers, #single, #technology

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carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19. dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract. carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive? dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day. carol: you must like her eyes. dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.

Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety

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Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #office workers, #safety, #sarcasm, #team

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Tina: Ugh, Dilbert is on the project team? That guy doesn't believe in safety. Man: Just out of curiosity, what evidence of that extremely weird allegation have you seen? Tina: What evidence do you have that you exist? See? Anyone can do that.

Confident Wrong Guy

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Confident Wrong Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #confidence, #employees, #insults, #obliviousness, #office workers, #sarcasm, #hire

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Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.