Hiring Freeze Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

92 Results for Hiring Freeze

View 1 - 10 results for hiring freeze comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Freeze" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hiring Evil Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Evil Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Dilbert Characters

Height Advantage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Height Advantage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #employement, #fired, #height, #hiring, #managers & supervisors, #pay cut, #short, #tall, #video conferencing, #zoom

View Transcript

Transcript

boss video conferencing with carl: carl, i hired you because you are tall, but now it doesn't matter because everyone looks the same height on zoom. your height advantage has disappeared, so today will be your last day with the company. carl: maybe instead you could cut my pay to the same level as short people. boss: that just might work.

The Secret To Managing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Secret To Managing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Hiring Morons

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #business, #technical, #job, #market, #hire, #moron, #critical

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

Hiring Unethical Scientist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Unethical Scientist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicious, #boss, #lawyer, #help, #search, #straightforward, #scientist, #bidding, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.

Hiring A Millennial

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring A Millennial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #office workers, #sarcasm, #smartphone, #generation, #millennial

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a millennial who was raised by smartphones. He won't make eye contact, and we don't expect him to ever mate. Dilbert: Can he speak? Boss: Yes, but only with sarcasm.

Hiring Paul The Criminal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #job, #market, #competitive, #ex-cons, #work, #criminals, #caught, #paul, #data center, #copper, #wire

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.