Idea People Comic Strips
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wally: it might seem as though i accomplished very little this year. and that's true. but i also have a trove of opposition research on my co-workers. boss: what? wally: ranking employees against one another was your best idea ever.
boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.
ceo: write a press release saying our company supports whatever social issues people are griping about lately. tina: does it matter which issues i pick? ceo: nah. just make us look awesome. tina: should i research the issues first? ceo: are you trying to not get the point?
ceo: i've decided our company needs to get more involved in controversial politics. dilbert: wouldn't the predictable impact of that be a huge drop in our earnings? ceo: no, no. people will love us for getting involved. dilbert: can you at least hold off until i sell all of my stock.
dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.
dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.
boss: i hired dick to be your workplace nemesis. you might know his work from social media. dilbert: this feels like a bad idea. dick: doubt science much? duhrr.
dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.
alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard? voice from laptop: how's my audio? alice: it's as good as your ideas.