Illegal Comic Strips

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36 Results for Illegal

View 1 - 10 results for illegal comic strips. Discover the best "Illegal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Illegal To Sell Armed Drones

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Illegal To Sell Armed Drones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2020's comic on:


Tags #illegal, #armed, #drones, #private, #citizens, #sell, #business, #technology, #bribe, #law

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boss: i just learned it's illegal to sell armed drones to private citizens. how many orders did we get since we started selling them this morning? dilbert: seventy million. boss: i'll look into bribing someone to change the law.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

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Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

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Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Illegal Plan

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Illegal Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #legal, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #suspicious

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Dilbert: Your plan doesn't sound legal.I'm not comfortable with it. Boss: We break the law all the time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: What's your position on killing all witnesses?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #discrimination, #gays, #ignorance (knowledge), #india, #supreme court, #nuclear arsenal, #scientific knowledge, #illegal to be gay, #nuke, #taj mahal, #so gay

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Asok: I can never return to India because the Supreme Court made it illegal to be gay there. Does it worry you that they have a nuclear arsenal and the scientific knowledge of inebriated astrologists? Dilbet: They might nuke the Taj Mahal. Asok: I know! That place is so gay, right?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #doctors, #employees, #medicines, #nice guys, #paid less, #aggressive jerks, #offer raise, #testosterone injections, #illegal, #dangerous, #unethical, #tiny income, #business

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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #mergers & acquisitions, #slavery is illeagal, #engineers are free, #find jobs, #better companies

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Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #bribe, #monkey god, #oobanoobah, #minister of mud, #steal, #office

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The Boss says, "We'll lose the Elbonian Project unless we give their minister of mud some? incentive." Wally says, "You mean a bribe?" The Boss says, "No. A bribe would be illegal." The Boss says, "Take a bag of gold to Elbonia and leave it by the statue of the monkey god, Oobanoobah." The Boss says, "If Oobanoobah does not accept your offering, by Elbonian law it becomes unclaimed property." The Boss says, "Take the gold to the unclaimed property desk at the ministry of mud." The Boss says, "Ring the bell and ask for the minister of mud. Give him the unclaimed property and a copy of our bid." Wally says, "What if the monkey god accepts the gold and I'm the only witness?" The Boss says, "What?" Wally says, "How much monkey god gold are we talking?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags #eat lunch, #front, #rich, #book deal, #pirate, #illegal, #buy

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Asok says, "Soon my book of pointy-haired boss quotes will be published and I will be rich." Wally says, "It sounds great. I can't wait to get my pirated copy." Asok says, "Or you could buy it." Dilbert says, "I thought you said it was a book."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #conference, #meeting, #greed, #corruption, #illegal, #business

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CEO summit Dogbert says, "Obviously it's illegal for companies to rig bids." Dogbert says, "But interestingly, the crime is nearly impossible to prove when nothing is written down." Dogbert says, "I'd like you to meet Eddie. Pay close attention to how many times he stomps his hoof."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #legal advise, #economy, #pay

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Asok the intern says, "Pssst! I'm doing black market I.T. support to make up for my recent cut in pay." Man says, "Isn't this illegal?" Asok the intern, "Not according to my black market company lawyer." Alice says, "So it's legal to punch vendors?" Dogbert says, "Sure, if they deserve it." Dogbert says, "That's $100, please."