Incoming Voicemail Comic Strips

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28 Results for Incoming Voicemail

View 1 - 10 results for incoming voicemail comic strips. Discover the best "Incoming Voicemail" comics from Dilbert.com.

Incoming Message

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Incoming Message - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #technology, #business, #text, #message, #phone, #respond

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dilbert: ...so what we need to do... phone on table: ding dilbert: okay, now you're only pretending to listen to me because your mind is on that incoming text message. would you like to look at it and respond? alice: only if you don't think you can wrap this up in fifteen seconds or so.

Ask The Other Director

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Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reorganization, #logic, #managers, #solutions, #cheating

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Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

Get Multiple Approvals

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Get Multiple Approvals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #problems, #work, #frustration

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Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.

Messages For The Boss

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Messages For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #internet, #modernity, #attention, #distraction, #excuses, #technology

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Boss: Why didn't you talk to me before making this decision? Dilbert: I left you a voicemail, an email, and a text message. I also messaged you on Skype, Slack, WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook. Boss: Did you try leaving a note on my chair? Dilbert: It's stuck to your buttocks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #nuclear rocket, #engineers, #blast astroid, #collsion, #approved corporate font, #launch window, #moon

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Boss: Our engineers built a nuclear rocket to blast an incoming asteroid out of its collision course with Earth. But we didn't use the approved corporate font on the nose cone and we missed the launch window trying to erase it. Now what are we going to do with a nuclear rocket? CEO: Well, the moon has always been a jerk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #business

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Wally says, "There were eleven ways to interpret the vague assignment you gave me by voicemail." Wally says, "Given the risks of choosing wrong, and my engineering oath to do no harm, it was my ehtical duty to do nothing." The Boss says, "You could have asked for clarification." Wally says, "Sounds risky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #proposals, #technical, #swivel chair, #front, #intelligence test, #smart, #joke, #monkey, #time, #animals, #business

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The Boss says, "I don't understand either of your technical proposals, and I need to pick one." The Boss says, "Normally I'd use favoritism, but I don't like either one of you." The Boss says, "So I'll give you an intelligence test, and I'll approve the proposal of whoever is the smartest." The Boss says, "If you shoot an arrow at a monkey from an airplane..." The Boss says, "And the monkey throws a coconut at the incoming arrow to stop it, but he misses..." The Boss says, "How can you tell what time it is?" Dilbert says, "There's not enough data." Coworker says, "You look at your watch?" The Boss says, "The correct answer is 'Ask the monkey and hope he doesn't hold a grudge."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #note, #email, #voicemail, #constant contact, #badger, #something wrong

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Tina: Did you get the note I left on your monitor? "Yes." "Did you get my voicemail?" Dilbert: "Yes." Tina: "Did you get my e-mail?" Dilbert: "Yes." Tina: "Should I tell you what the note and voicemail and e-mail said?" Dilbert: "There's something wrong with you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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My space defense shield detects an incoming threat. I am launching intercept rockets. "Apparently the boys at Google used a death ray to blast the international space station out of orbit and toward our house." "Why do you have a space defense shield?" "Doesn't that seem like a stupid question now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #voice mailbox, #spam filter, #rejects email, #ear wax, #grid

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Wally: "My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter rejects all incoming e-mail." "As soon as I build up a good load of ear wax, I'll be off the grid." The Boss: "Wally, we need to talk." "EH?"