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Who Is The Fool

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Who Is The Fool - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #install, #server, #upgrade, #fool, #lie, #technology

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vendor: we can't finish the installation unless you buy our server upgrade. dilbert: that means you lied when you bid for the job, because you did not include a server upgrade. vendor: who's the fool now? dilbert: that would be me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accusations, #anxiety, #continuous barrage, #firewall, #inevitable villager, #pessimism, #villagers with torches

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Boss: Dilbert, I want you to install the new firewall. Dilbert: Noooo!!!! Why me? Why me? The firewall guy gets blamed for every problem. People will say "Everything worked until you changed the firewall." There will be no rest for me. I will have to defend myself against a continuous barrage of accusations. It's always the firewall! Everyone blames the stinkin' firewall! I surrender to the inevitable! Villagers, grab your pitchforks and torches! Boss: How did he get that way? Wally: I blame the firewall.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #computers & peripherals, #software, #install and test, #database software, #engineering

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #toolbar, #browser, #download, #cubicle, #important, #technology

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The Boss says, "Whenever my browswer asks me if I want to install a toolbar, I'm afraid to say no." The Boss says, "Now my browser window is only one inch tall." The Boss says, "If you see anything important on the Internet, could you write it down for me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good news, #raise fist, #wireless network, #bad news, #knowledge, #lack of understanding

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Boss says, "Good news! We won the bid to build a nationwide wireless network!" Dilbert says, "Bad news! We don't know how to build a nationwide wireless network!" Boss says, "It's wireless. How hard could it be to not install wires?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales engineer, #making sale, #install, #few extra features, #massage table, #sprawl, #get naked

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Sales Engineer Sales engineer: I did the hard part of making the sale. All you have to do is install it. I might have promised them a few extra features. Did you bring your own massage table or should I just get naked and sprawl on a desk?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Our sales guy vastly underbid a job. Now it's my project to install the system in a way that's profitable. "Blame your customer for underspecifying the features then charge her through the nose for change orders." "Three million dollars for an electrical plug?" "The base model uses a potato battery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Here's the problem: Our salesman, Lyin' John, sold you a system that we can't install without losing money." "I propose that you pay us 40% more than we quoted you in the contract, and everyone wins." "Her body language says she's thinking about it." CRACK!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I think what we should do is... "Whoa!" "Give me a minute to install my management listening catheter." "Tell me about your excellent suggestion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I was wondering if you could stop by this weekend and show me how to install my wireless network. "Under what theory are the competent obliged to help the incompetent?" "Wow. This is awkward." "Watch what happens when I just stare at you."