Internal Business Units Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Internal Business Units
View 1 - 10 results for internal business units comic strips. Discover the best "Internal Business Units" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 02,
2022
Business As Usual
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday February 15,
2022
Monkey Business
Wednesday August 11,
2021
Monitoring Internal Messages
Friday July 09,
2021
New Loyal Customers
Tags business, meeting, ceo, woke, advertising, dollars, loss, quarter, offend, straight face, botox, annoying
Transcript
ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?
Tuesday July 06,
2021
I'm Not A Racist
Tags business, sarcasm, racism, racist, woke, demands, sacrifice, spare, proof
Transcript
dilbert: there's a mob of woke people surrounding our building. they demand a human sacrifice. boss: fetch the spare racist i hired for that purpose. male co-worker hanging from a rod outside top level of office tower: i'm not a racist! really i'm not! voice from inside the building: he can't prove that!
Monday July 05,
2021
Racist Scapegoat
Tags managers & supervisors, business meeting, hire, racist, racism, woke gang, human, sacrifice, attack, scapegoat, bloodlust
Transcript
boss: i hired a racist in case the woke gangs attack us and we need a human sacrifice. coworker: what? boss: when the wokies come for us, we'll throw this guy under the bus to satisfy their bloodlust. coworker yelling: i'm not a racist! boss: they won't know that.
Sunday July 04,
2021
Tina Misremembers
Tags business, meeting, cancel, communication, remember, text, message, confirm, trigger, cognitive dissonance, absurd, frogs, hooves, wrong, liar
Transcript
Tina: why didn't you tell me you canceled the meeting?!! dilbert: i did. Tina: you absolutely did not. i would certainly remember if you did. dilbert: here are the text messages when i told you i canceled the meeting and you conformed. Alice in a daze. Dilbert: uh-oh. i seemed to have triggered cognitive dissonance. whatever you say next is likely to be an absurdity that allows you to be right when you are wrong. Tina: i told you frogs don't have hooves, but you insisted they did! admit you were wrong! i win you liar! dilbert thinking: this show never gets old.
Saturday July 03,
2021
New Software
Tags business, managers & supervisors, approval, software, necessary, purchase order, questions, blockchain, stop
Transcript
dilbert: i'd like approval to buy some software, and there is no hope you would understand why it is necessary. so just sign off on the purchase and don't ask any questions. boss: is it blockchain? dilbert: just stop.
Friday July 02,
2021
Casual Day For Remote Workers
Tags business, sarcasm, announcement, casual day, remote workers, dress, roadkill, morale, coffee, laptop, video conference
Transcript
boss talking toward laptop: tomorrow is casual day for remote workers. most of you already dress like roadkill, but see if you can take it down another level. voice from laptop: why are you doing this to us? boss: i hear it builds morale.
Thursday July 01,
2021
Redesign Power Button
Tags business, engineering, experience, managers & supervisors, mocking, power button, redesign, sarcasm, team
Transcript
boss: can you redesign it so the power button is on the bottom? engineer: absolutely. our professional design team loves it when inexperienced people make suggestions. boss: i can't tell if you're mocking me. engineer: no, you can't.