Keyword Search Function Comic Strips

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79 Results for Keyword Search Function

View 1 - 10 results for keyword search function comic strips. Discover the best "Keyword Search Function" comics from Dilbert.com.

Banana Is Not An Apple

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Banana Is Not An Apple - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #apple, #argue, #banana, #business, #doctored image, #google, #managers & supervisors, #search, #wrong

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dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.

Time Stands Still

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Time Stands Still - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #phone, #search, #time, #bored, #Win, #still

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dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.

Hiring Unethical Scientist

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Hiring Unethical Scientist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicious, #boss, #lawyer, #help, #search, #straightforward, #scientist, #bidding, #money

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Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.

Compensation Based On Happiness

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Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

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Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Expectations

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Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #expectations, #misanthrope, #happiness, #contentment, #psychology

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Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.

Boss Survives Fall From Bridge

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Boss Survives Fall From Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accident, #falling, #walking, #help, #emergency, #apathy, #Sports

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Boss: I survived falling off the bridge when we were taking our long walk to discuss business. I ended up a mile downstream. That's probably why the search team didn't find me. Dilbert: Yup.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #form, #function, #product design, #product designer, #selfishness, #portfolio

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: You might think my job is to make products that are easy to use. But that wouldn't help me, so instead I design stuff that looks good in my portfolio but is impossible to use. Dilbert: This looks great, but no one will be able to see black buttons on a black case. Dogbert: Not my problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arguing, #email, #expectations, #logic, #sleep, #winning, #work ethic, #promptly respond, #employees, #necessary, #brain function, #succumbs to leadership, #dysfunctional moron, #confsuion, #win converstions, #ceo, #health, #business

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CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #slacker, #entire career, #listen to podcasts, #drink coffe, #surf internet, #multi slacking

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Wally: I've been a slacker my entire career, but now I want more out of life. My plan is to listen to podcasts while I drink coffee and search the Internet for fun. Dilbert: Multi-slacking? Wally: Wish me luck.