Knowing Too Much Comic Strips
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540 Results for Knowing Too Much
View 1 - 10 results for knowing too much comic strips. Discover the best "Knowing Too Much" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday June 10,
2021
Asok Sighs Too Much
Tags #business, #relationships, #relocate, #sigh, #innocent, #metamorphosis, #question, #cubicle, #intern
Transcript
alice: can you relocate asok's cubicle? he sighs to much, and it's bugging me. boss: he sighs because he is metamorphosing from an innocent intern into a disgruntled employee. boss to asok: how long is this gonna take? asok: sigh
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Monday May 24,
2021
Ted Is Great But Not Enough
Tags #business, #comparison, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #employment, #exceptional, #fired, #universe, #sense, #complain, #reverse psychology
Transcript
boss: ted, your performance this year has been exceptional. but everyone else was even better, so...you're fired. ted: in what universe does that even make sense? boss: you also complain too much.
Tuesday May 04,
2021
Dick The Nemesis
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #hire, #nemesis, #social media, #bad, #idea, #doubt, #science, #workplace
Transcript
boss: i hired dick to be your workplace nemesis. you might know his work from social media. dilbert: this feels like a bad idea. dick: doubt science much? duhrr.
Saturday May 01,
2021
Must Register To Date
Tags #business, #love & dating, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #human resources, #new, #dating, #register, #link, #details, #laptop
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.
Sunday April 18,
2021
Online Therapy
Tags #business, #psychiatry, #technology, #online, #therapy, #video therapy, #social, #isolation, #awkward, #bored, #people, #hate, #pretend, #hand washing, #carrier, #deadly, #pathogen, #normal
Transcript
dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: billing for your video therapy session begins now. dilbert: i'm worried that all of my recent social isolation has changed me. therapist: how so? dilbert: well, a year ago, i felt awkward and bored around people, and that was bad enough. now i hate them so much that i only pretend to wash my hands. i guess i'm secretly hoping i'm a carrier for a deadly pathogen of some type. am i normal? therapist: i sure hope so because i do the same thing.
Sunday March 28,
2021
Wally's Advice
Tags #Advice, #audience, #business, #complain, #connection, #droopy, #emotion, #emotional intelligence, #Entertainment, #hate, #medical, #persuasive, #problems, #sad, #sarcasm, #self-deprecating, #slide deck, #spouse, #technology, #tragic, #wife
Transcript
boss: if there anything i can do to make my slide deck more persuasive? wally: you need to make an emotional connection with your audience. start with a tragic personal story that makes everyone sad and droopy. then talk about your various medical problems, and don't spare the details. then complain about your wife because most people hate their spouses too, so they can relate. and don't spare the self-deprecating humor because everyone can relate to knowing you are a loser. boss: wow. thank you for that advice. i'll make those changes. dilbert: how much do you hate him? wally: it's more about my entertainment.
Sunday March 14,
2021
Loud Using Zoom
Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #mortgage, #loud, #noise, #calls, #war, #blackmail, #surprise, #laptop, #imagine
Transcript
dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!
Saturday February 06,
2021
The Boss Has An Idea
Tags #business, #technology, #managment, #worldwide, #obvious, #implement, #smart, #people, #remote, #work, #idea
Transcript
boss: looks like my idea of remote work is being implemented by management all over the world. dilbert: i don't think that was "our idea" so much as totally obvious to every thinking person. boss: well, maybe. but would they have implemented it? dilbert: i'm going to talk to smart people now.
Thursday November 05,
2020
Medicinal Coffee
Tags #addiction, #coffee, #health & safety, #medical, #side effects, #tolerance, #veins, #doctor
Transcript
wally in doctor's office: i drink so much coffee that i developed a tolerance for it. do you have any kind of medical-grade coffee that could take me to the next level? doctor: yes, but it has terrible side effects. wally: skip the details and shove it in my veins.
Saturday October 17,
2020
Lucky Profits
Tags #bonus, #business, #compensation, #executive, #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #sarcasm, #technology, #video conferencing, #zoom, #luck
Transcript
catbert to ceo: there's a problem with your executive compensation. the company made so much money during the pandemic, purely by luck, that your bonus would be ten million dollars. ceo: i earned it. catbert: you made zoom calls wearing only socks.