Search Results for "lawyer"

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Hiring Unethical Scientist

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Hiring Unethical Scientist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #suspicious, #boss, #lawyer, #help, #search, #straightforward, #scientist, #bidding, #money

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Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.

Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything

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Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #accusation, #catch-22, #rebuttal, #defensive

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Boss: Everyone says you aren't being a team player because you keep disagreeing with everything. Dilbert: Everyone does not say that, and I don't disagree with everything. Boss: There you go again. You'd be a terrible lawyer. Dilbert: Thank you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #contract, #legalese, #language, #comprehension

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Boss: Review this contract and tell me if it looks right. Dilbert: It's legal gibberish. I don't understand a word of it. Boss: So... you see no problems? Dilbert: Only a lawyer could understand it. Boss: But otherwise it's okay? Dilbert: My inability to identify a problem is not proof of no problems. Boss: Then how do you know when all of your problems have been fixed? I'll just sign it and see what happens.

Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding

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Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #crime, #attorney, #lawyer, #collusion, #donald trump, #russia, #legal

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Dogbert: I've investigated Dilbert's email and phone records and I can say with confidence he did not collude with Elbonia. But there are many, many other crimes he might have committed, and you should pay me to investigate them. Dilbert: That wasn't helpful. Dogbert: Stop making it all about you.

Robot Lawyer Has Comments

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Robot Lawyer Has Comments - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #argument, #robot, #talk

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Dilbert: Do you have any comments on the contract I emailed to you? Robot: Adjudicate the continuance of due diligence until an injunction repudiates the covenants. Dilbert: I was hoping for comments that make sense. Robot: You're thinking of a more expensive robot.

Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish

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Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #chair, #conversation, #meeting, #robot, #sue, #table, #business

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Boss: We replaced our company lawyer with a robot. Boss: It already rewrote all of our contracts into gibberish. Dilbert: Do we want that? Boss: I tried to ask, but it threatened to sue me.

Texting The Boss

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Texting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #texting, #driving, #distraction, #trick, #murder, #killing, #malice

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Carol: Hold on, I have to text my boss while he's driving. I'll say it's a crisis so he has to text back. Dilbert: Is it legal to kill him that way? Carol: Yes, I checked with a lawyer first.

Company Policy About Dating

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Company Policy About Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dating, #relationships, #office romance, #policy, #legal issues, #human resources, #business

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Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

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Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #prison, #lawyer, #attorney, #Advice, #plead, #trial, #crime, #murder, #technicality, #guilt, #legal

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Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.

Whistleblower Laws

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Whistleblower Laws - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #law, #legal issues, #lawyer, #on the lam, #whistleblower, #technicality, #loophole, #legal

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Wally: I thought you were on the run from killing government agents. Dilbert: I only killed the bad ones. My lawyer says that's legal now under the whistleblower laws. [Earlier That Day] Dogbert: It was a tad aggressive, but I think you're fine.