Lie About Achievments Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Lie About Achievments
View 1 - 10 results for lie about achievments comic strips. Discover the best "Lie About Achievments" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday March 05,
2021
Think About Long Term
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday November 10,
2020
Ted Liked A Tweet
Tags #employment, #managers & supervisors, #fired, #business, #twitter, #tweet, #hacked, #technology, #social media, #file, #lie, #plausible, #liked, #unacceptable
Transcript
boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter. ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped. boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file? ted: did either of them sound plausible?
Saturday November 07,
2020
Coffee Productivity
Tags #technology, #business, #projects, #productive, #medical, #coffee, #lie, #medical-grade coffee
Transcript
wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.
Monday November 02,
2020
Boss Ear Piece
Tags #answers, #blockchain, #business, #ear piece, #evil, #ignorance, #managers & supervisors, #smart, #technology
Transcript
boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.
Sunday November 01,
2020
Can You Zoom Now
Tags #business, #technology, #text message, #video conference, #zoom, #call, #response, #anger, #lack of response
Transcript
dilbert sending text: are you available for a zoom call? dilbert thinking: he's typing something. nope, he stopped. okay, he's typing again. no, he stopped again. block of text: i'm available at 2 p.m. tomorrow, Thursday at 9 a.m., or next week any time after three, and now. dilbert sending text: perfect. how about now? dilbert thinking: answer coming. no, he stopped typing. ten minutes later: dilbert angry and yelling: answer me, you jerk!!! thirty minutes later: text answer: does now work? dilbert yelling: too late!!!
Saturday October 31,
2020
Where To Go To Lunch
Tags #business, #co-workers, #feelings, #invitation, #lunch, #psychology, #social, #thai place, #hungry
Transcript
dilbert: where do you want to go to lunch? tina: i want you to suggest a place so i can say yes but still make you feel bad about it. dilbert: how about the thai place? tina: pffft. sure. i'm not that hungry anyway.
Friday October 23,
2020
Nothing Is Totally Safe
Tags #business, #health & safety, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #test, #reality, #blame, #face mask
Transcript
boss: have you tested everything to make sure it is 100% safe? dilbert: nothing is 100% safe. we don't live in that kind of reality. but i'll bet you want me to say it anyway. boss: it's more about the blame later.
Thursday October 15,
2020
Safety Record
Tags #managers & supervisors, #safety, #record, #industry, #best, #face mask, #untrue, #lie, #idiot
Transcript
boss: our safety record is the best in the industry! dilbert: that is both untrue and easy to debunk. why would you even tell such a lie? do you think we're idiots? boss: moving along...
Monday October 12,
2020
People Enjoy Context
Tags #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #zoom, #customer, #self, #human, #sarcasm, #face mask
Transcript
boss: when you schedule the zoom call with the customer, be sure to include me. dilbert: do you plan to use up all of our time talking about yourself? boss: people enjoy context. dilbert: it's as if you have never met a human.
Friday October 09,
2020
Wally Helps Coworkers
Tags #accomplish, #business, #claim, #co-workers, #critical, #help, #lie, #managers & supervisors, #problem, #teamwork, #validate, #face mask
Transcript
boss: what did you accomplish this week? wally: i helped several of my co-workers solve critical problems. boss: and if i asked them to validate your claim? wally: they're all huge liars.