Limited Zeros And Ones Comic Strips

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143 Results for Limited Zeros And Ones

View 1 - 10 results for limited zeros and ones comic strips. Discover the best "Limited Zeros And Ones" comics from Dilbert.com.

Lazy People Are Efficient

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Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #efficient, #projects, #lazy, #assignments, #useful

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wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Teamwork But

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Teamwork But - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #business, #teamwork, #limit, #competition, #salary, #funds, #battle, #meeting, #thinking, #sarcasm

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boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."

Every Expert Says

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Every Expert Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #idea, #technology, #work, #old, #new, #future, #expert, #entrepreneurs, #worldview

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boss: every expert in the world says your idea can't work. dilbert: experts only know about old ideas. if they knew about future ones, they would be entrepreneurs, not experts. boss: well, my entire worldview just collapsed. dilbert: sorry

Bad Attitude

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Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #work, #exceptional, #complain, #attitude, #bad, #dislike, #sarcasm

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boss: your work has been exceptional, but people are complaining about your attitude. dilbert: aren't the people who are doing the complaining usually the ones with bad attitudes. boss: they think you dislike them. dilbert: i do, but i have a terrific attitude about it.

Where The Problems Are

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Where The Problems Are - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #application, #app, #technology, #improvement, #dumb, #implement, #problems, #insult, #face mask

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co-worker: do you have any suggestions for improving the app? dilbert: yes, but you are far too dumb to implement any of them, so i won't bother. co-worker: at least tell me where the problems are. dilbert pointing at co-worker: the big ones are all in this big bag of skin.

How To Identify Good Ideas

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How To Identify Good Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #decision making, #smart, #people, #idiot, #agree, #disagree, #good, #bad, #idea, #rational

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dilbert: i can't tell the difference between good ideas and bad ones. there are smart people on both sides of every idea. what rational process do you use to determine who is right? wally: i label people who disagree with me "idiots" and call it a day.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

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Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Loving Yourself

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Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love

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boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Help Me With Something

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Help Me With Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #compensation, #system, #incentive, #budget, #limit, #smart, #business

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male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.

Goofy Words

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Goofy Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #proposal, #understand, #clarification, #end, #misunderstand

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dilbert: and that's my blockchain proposal. any questions? boss: there was a part i didn't understand. dilbert: which part? boss: the words dilbert: all of them? boss: only the goofy ones. such as token, smart contract, certainty as a service, utxo blockchains, node, ledger, and daps. dilbert: so... you didn't understand anything i said for the past hour? boss: don't try to turn this into my fault dilbert: you could have asked me to clarify boss: i also wanted it to end.