Literal Interpretation Comic Strips

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13 Results for Literal Interpretation

View 1 - 10 results for literal interpretation comic strips. Discover the best "Literal Interpretation" comics from Dilbert.com.

Destroy The Competition

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Destroy The Competition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #destroy, #competition, #approve, #violence, #figure of speech, #engineers, #literal, #competitors, #beat, #sticks, #sarcasm, #incite, #figurative, #speech

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boss: we need to destroy our competition! dilbert: i don't approve of violence. boss: i didn't say anything about violence. dilbert: you said "destroy" them. i don't see how that could mean anything else. boss: it was just a figure of speech. dilbert waving arms: we're engineers! you can't use figurative speech with us. we take things literally. so, what exactly is it you want us to do with our competitors? boss: beat them! dilbert: with sticks?

Two Hour Summary

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Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

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Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.

Working Sixty Hours A Week

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Working Sixty Hours A Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #hours, #workload, #interpretation, #negativity

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Man: I'm working sixty hours a week. Dilbert: Wow. You must be a terrible employee if you have to work long hours just to keep your job. Man: I was hoping you would respect my work ethic. Wally: Wrong table.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #slapped ceo, #report says, #success is following your instinct, #being passionate, #engaged, #creative, #meaningful, #office meeting, #literal meeting

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Catbert: This report says you slapped our CEO senseless after he said they key to success is following your instinct. Alice: I was following my instinct. I was also being passionate, engaged, and creative. Catbert: Apparently the things you say actually mean stuff. CEO: How was I to know!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #christmas, #christmas presents, #physics, #quantum mechanics, #interpretation, #cat in box, #airholes, #holiday

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Dogbert: Merry Christmas! This gift is based on the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics. There's a cat in here that's neither dead nor alive. Dilbert: Where are the airholes? Dogbert: I have control issues.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #relations between the sexes, #collaborate, #sexism, #water down, #interpretation

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Boss: Alice, I want you to collaborate with Larry. Alice: And by collaborate you mean water down my brilliance with this dullard's brain flatulence. Boss: She doesn't play well with others. Alice: If I were a man, you'd call it confidence.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #marriage, #interpretation, #annoying, #soul mate, #perceptive, #psychology, #relationships

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Tina: Someday, I want to get married because studies show that married people are happier. Dilbert: A smarter interpretation is that no one wants to marry an unhappy person. Tina: You're annoying. Dilbert: With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctor, #medicine, #explaining, #Men, #growing, #wings, #side effect, #medical

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Man says, "I need you to take these pills because the pharmaceutical rep is smoking hot." Man says, "It might have some side effects, but the 'Guy code' says you have to be my wingman if I ask." Dilbert says, "Apparently he subscribes to a literal interpretation of the guy code."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #contract, #reasonable man, #interpretation, #squash, #bug

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"Company Lawyer." "This contract would be subject to a 'reasonable man' interpretation." "Where is this guy? I'll squash him like a bug!" "Okay, moving on..." "It's you! I knew it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #right on plan, #project, #bad idea, #senior mangement, #leadership, #widespread mockery, #lawyers, #purging, #gigantic failure, #forget, #mission statemnet, #literal interpretation

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My project is right on plan." Wally continues, "It began last week as a bad idea from somebody in senior management." Wally continues, "Thanks to my leadership, it is already an object of widespread mockery and derision." Wally continues, "As I speak, our lawyers are purging every last trace of value it might have had." Wally continues, "With luck, the project will be a gigantic failure in a month." Wally continues, "People will forget my failure and remember that I'm experienced. Promotions will follow. Yes!!" Wally concludes, "In six months I'll be dating an executive secretary named Yvonne." Dilbert says, "Good plan." The Boss asks, "Wally, have you ever read our mission statement?" Wally replies, "Yeah, but I don't subscribe to a literal interpretation."