Manage Someone Else Comic Strips

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536 Results for Manage Someone Else

View 1 - 10 results for manage someone else comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Someone Else" comics from Dilbert.com.

Knowing What Wally Does

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Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #job, #projects, #expectations, #heuristics

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boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Illegal To Sell Armed Drones

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Illegal To Sell Armed Drones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2020's comic on:


Tags #illegal, #armed, #drones, #private, #citizens, #sell, #business, #technology, #bribe, #law

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boss: i just learned it's illegal to sell armed drones to private citizens. how many orders did we get since we started selling them this morning? dilbert: seventy million. boss: i'll look into bribing someone to change the law.

Brain Fog

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Brain Fog - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2020's comic on:


Tags #co-workers, #business, #health, #meds, #i.q., #handsome, #name

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dilbert: i have brain fog from the meds i took last night. my i.q. is down by 50%, but i make up for it by being handsome. alice: sounds more like a 75% situation. dilbert: now, can someone remind me of my name?

Sadist Designs Interface

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Sadist Designs Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #user, #interfaces, #job, #unwanted, #customers, #sadist, #stockholm

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boss: i hired a sadist to design our user interfaces. i realize this isn't ideal, but no one else wanted the job. dilbert: why would our customers buy a product designed by a sadist? boss: it's called stockholm syndrome.

Elbonian Spy

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Elbonian Spy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #elbonian, #spy, #engineers, #economy, #intellectual, #property, #collaborate

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boss: i hired an elbonian spy who, i assume, will try to steal our intellectual property. it's hard to find good engineers in this economy, so that is a risk i am willing to take. dilbert, i'd like you to collaborate with him. dilbert: can we call it something else?

Boss Helps

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Boss Helps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #project, #deadline, #interruption, #business, #new, #task, #priority

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boss: why isn't your project done yet? dilbert: because every time i walk past your office you give me three new tasks and tell men they are my highest priority. boss: i was hoping you didn't know why. dilbert: hire someone dumber next time.

Help Me With Something

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Help Me With Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #compensation, #system, #incentive, #budget, #limit, #smart, #business

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male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.

Dark Matter And Lights

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Dark Matter And Lights - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #philosophy, #world, #dark, #matter, #light

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dilbert: did you know that 85% of the matter in the world is dark matter, and we don't even know what dark matter is? boss: i know what it is dilbert: you do? boss: it's when the lights are off. - duh. dilbert: i'm going to go talk to someone else now.

Microaggressions

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Microaggressions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #human resources, #micro aggressions, #hire, #engineer

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catbert: someone reported you to human resources for all of your micro aggressions dilbert: what would be an example of one? catbert: it doesn't matter dilbert: it feels as of to should matter catbert: this is why engineers never get hired for human resources

Bad News I Can't Tell You

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Bad News I Can't Tell You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #angry, #employees, #frustrated, #news, #office workers

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Carol: I have bad news. Dilbert: What is it? Carol: I'll tell you later. Dilbert: Why can't you tell me now? Carol: I don't want to start and then get interrupted if someone comes in the room. Dilbert: How bad is the news? Carol: It's bad. Very bad. Dilbert: You're making me crazy, how can I relax knowing some terrible news is out there? Don't tell me you have bad news if you aren't going to tell me what it is!!! Wally: What did I miss? Dilbert: I don't know!