Matching Skills Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

120 Results for Matching Skills

View 1 - 10 results for matching skills comic strips. Discover the best "Matching Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice And Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Alice And Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #project, #learn, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i'd like to help on the blockchain project to build my skills in that area. boss: i don't like it when people learn new things. alice: i don't know what to say to that. boss: oh, good. it worked.

We Already Have A Carl

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
We Already Have A Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #interview, #skills, #confuse, #employee, #names

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't hire you because we already have an employee named carl. it would confuse people, and we don't need that. interviewee: what about my skills? boss: people with better names have skills too.

Wally Has Skills

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Has Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #robot, #design, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: wally, your performance is substandard. wally: give me a great performance review, or else i'll design a robot that will take your job. boss: you could do that? wally: i have the skills. i just don't like to use them.

Poor Communication Skills

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Poor Communication Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #questions, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.

Ai Can Control Minds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #control, #intelligence, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

Unmotivated Staff

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unmotivated Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #wrong, #leadership, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.

Jerry The Contract Employee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Jerry The Contract Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #threat, #Dilbert, #the boss, #jerry, #contract, #zebra, #agile

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: This is Jerry the contract employee. I hired him to work on project zebra. Dilbert: We haven't even defined the project. How did you know what skills we needed? The Boss: Why are you so threatened by jerry? Jerry: He's not very agile.

The Losing Team

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Losing Team  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blockchain, #training, #improvement, #legacy, #education, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'd like to work on our blockchain project to keep my skills updated. Boss: I need you to be a team player and maintain our legacy systems until your technical skills become obsolete. Dilbert: What kind of team is that? Boss: You'll be on the losing team.

Being Ineffective

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.